If you ever had Cave Creek Chili beer, you probably agree with the popular opinion that it is dreadful. It didn’t help that when Cave Creek came out with the beer it was several years before novelty beers became more popular. So when I received this as a gag gift at the office Christmas Holiday Party, I decided I would be as objective as possible. After all, I like beer. I like sriracha sauce, the combination should be okay, right?
Let’s start with what is right about this. Sriracha sauce or its parent company Huy Fong foods was founded by David Tran, a Vietnamese Immigrant. Legend has it, the former ARVN officer stowed away on a freighter in the early 1980s. Having survived the trip, he found himself penniless, without hot sauce to his liking, and worst of all in California. He made the sauce first by hand, selling mainly to Chinese restaurants and his company grew from there by word of mouth. The company is named for the freighter that brought him to America.
The beer is not hopped at all as far as I can tell but it does not matter because there is no balance to this at all. This reminds me of the Lindt chocolate bars with chile or those candies from Mexico. There is a sweet full bodied beer behind it but it is overpowered by flaming cock sauce. Mexican Indians drank something similar. Cacao trees are native to the Americas and were believed to be a gift from the Quetzalcoatl, the god of wisdom. It was originally prepared as a beverage; evidence of fermenting cacao seeds to make alcohol suggests the practice was in place as early as 1400 BC. To this day, it is still prepared as a hot frothy beverage mixed with spices that is believed to be a powerful aphrodisiac. Powerful, like this guy:
The peppers are somewhat muted by the stout but not nearly enough. Perhaps now is a good time to mention that my ancestors engaged in human sacrifice and cannibalism, but quite frankly, I can only see myself eating this with Thai curry or Pho. Even then I would probably only do it on a dare.
I was at a loss as far as glassware. That Gordon Biersch glass (they call it a Willibrecht) is as neutral a glass that I own but I typically use it for Amber and Pale Ales. IPA, Barley wines, Trappist, and Brown Ales I opt for the Chalice or a Tulip Glass. Lagers go in a mug. Stouts and Porters go in a Pint glass. The spices are so intense, it doesn’t suit any of my glassware.
If you are going to spend the five days following the winter solstice, holed up in your house while waiting for the gods to finish deciding whether to end the world or let you live for another year…you might like this. If you like covering yourself with black mud to celebrate the god’s gift of a new year…you might like this. If you plan on ripping open the sternum of one of your enemies, beheading him and eating his still beating heart…you might like this. If you have achieved a higher plane of consciousness, climbed into your pyramid and flew back to your home planet…you may like this. For the rest of us, I leave it by saying that it is not for everyone. I couldn’t finish the bomber, instead I pulled out a Four Peaks Kiltlifter to round out my evening. 2.2/5.
I’ve seen this but never tried it. I have tried some of the Ghost Pepper stuff from Twisted Pine, and it was too much to even drink. It was more of a helles style with the peppers in there. I ended up using it to make cheese dip (which turned out quite well).
Fascinating part on the glassware… did you figure that out just by trying different combos? I’ve got some double IPA in the fridge and I’m curious if I should try different glassware for it. Is a tulip glass the small volume one that looks like a brandy snifter?
MS how does the Glassware thing work? I’m very interested and want to subscribe to your newsletter
/seriously
I bet it does. It works for wine and whiskey, so why not beer? Although I think drinking Old Style would be the same “experience” no matter the glassware.
Here is a pretty good explanation of different types of beer glasses, and why they suit different types of beer. Essentially, different shapes alter head retention, which will change the presentation and retention of different volatile compounds, which in turn changes the flavor and smell of the beer. Different shapes can also change how the carbonation is retained, help keep the beer at proper temperature, and other subtle differences.
I recall reading an article from a beer snob who said that the best way to enjoy midwestern beers like Old Style were out of a red Solo cup. He was not trying to be funny, this was his honest opinion.
I prefer the clear ones for my Strohs.
Ahhh… memories of picnics past. With the Strohs keg in a metal garbage can filled with ice.
Tulip Glass
Generally speaking the glass should suit the beer. For IPA, the glass should pool on the bottom and channel the scent to the top. Dogfish Head makes a good IPA glass but its pretty delicate so I make due with a tulip glass.
Good place to start, or date a beer snob and watch him stare at you like you’re a dog licking its own genitals in front of company whenever you go to pour a beer into a glass.
I can’t help but feel that this was a preemptive jab at me for posting the same link after you, based on my avatar.
The prognostication is real!
Sam Adams Glass
If you’re the type that likes to solve many problems with one tool, this is your safest bet. Its shape makes it the Glock 19 of glassware: suitable for most purposes but not quite perfect.
I have a glass thats more chalice shaped that also has etching at the bottom (I think its the Newcastle star). I really did notice a difference with that one.
It does make a difference, especially once you get into some of the complex craft beers.
I lol’d
also, it’s made of bricks.
My kind of double-fisting, then.
Oh, you too? I cracked the second beer before I finished the first.
I haven’t played 40 hands in a while…
Hahah! No beers yet today. It’s rainy and crappy, so crockpot chili (with beans, of course), sweet cornbread, and hot toddies for later.
Or just whiskey, also good.
I’ve never played 40 hands. As a chick with an unsurprisingly small bladder, I think I would lose. Quickly.
The secret is being able to go very easily. sweatpants work well.
Or, exhibiting my gender privilege here, a dress + commando combo. (Aka regular weekend attire)
yeah, you girls get it easy. I once had to ask my friend to help. She thought it was pretty funny.
“a dress + commando combo”
Fist bumps Riven
/Cammando since high school
San Tan had to destroy thousands of their slightly-better clones of those years ago when sued by Sam Adams. I tried to get my hands on some but I guess lawyers are scary.
I love hot stuff, but not beer. I can safely pass this by. Thanks, MS!
This is a Mexican style Beer you Will like, Xocovesa!
http://www.stonebrewing.com/beer/stone-seasonals/stone-xocoveza#ageGatePassed
Bookmarked. Thanks for the tip!
That’s a good one. I recommend Oddside Ales Mayan Mocha stout or their Firefly IPA. Both are great beers with a hot bite.
I think I’ll just stick with Negra Modelo.
A beer that lets you get things done. Spoiler for the latest season of Narcos: Edward James Olmos cracks a Tecate while he fixes a fence.
Thats my favorite Mexican beer. I give them props for their ability to market anything with the word “negro” on it.
I like it ’cause (a) it’s dark, dammit! and (b) the hipsters never got ahold of the brewmaster and forced him to hop the beejeezus out of it.
I’m gettin’ tired of IPAs, double-IPAs, IPAs-squared, IPAs-to-the-Nth-power, and so on ad infinitum, ad nauseam.
Same here. I like it with a slice of lime squeezed in.
My favorite Mexican beer is Bohemia.
I guess every country has a beer named Bohemia.
I finally tried that the last time I went to Food City. It is pretty good.
My two favorite Mexican beers are Negra Modelo of a Pacifico with a slice of lime. Corona is crap and I would drink a Pearl Light or even Red, White &Blue before it.
I nominate Sol for worst Mexican beer. One summer when I was home from school my mom and her sisters went through a big Sol kick so My stepdad (restaurant owner) of course had dozens of cases stocked in our basement. I remember sitting in the hot tub at about 2am waiting for pizza with a friend of mine talking about how terrible Sol was. It did not stop us from drinking it.
Where did you find the picture of Warty?
Forget that. Who’s the trickster goddess BABE behind the hapless hunk?
Probably Huehuecoyotl, considering they are Aztecs. Careful, Huehuecoyotl, like most tricksters, changes gender whenever they feel like it.
So they would do well in the modern workplace?
Careful, Huehuecoyotl, like most tricksters, changes gender whenever they feel like it.
I just wanna photograph her artfully naked in my studio, not boink her.
In the immortal words of Mike Ditka…”who you crappin’?”
Hey, if she transitioned mid-boink, parts of me would be, uhm, trapped I think is the right word.
Safety first!
Everyone has a butt. Just saying.
Not my style, though it’s always good to know about options.
I dunno. He has nice arms, but is his neck thick enough to be Warty?
It may not be Warty, but judging by the groin skulls, they have the same tailor.
I think its a Mexican thing. My head looks too small for the rest of my body when I shave my head, whick also put my neck out of proportion. It keeps my tailor employed.
So that is a picture of you then?
Sorry for the delay. My neighbor’s bogenvilla was encroaching on my property so I removed his heart.
Thats actually my cousin, Orlando. Now, its time for lunch.
Rogue has a bit of an image problem on the internet after one of their job postings went viral
H1B visas is the only way to get a guy like that for less than 50k,
Fuckin Crazy
I hate them more than Susan from HR. And I didn’t think that was possible.
What a bunch of fucking idiots. “We need someone who is willing to do anything to solve any IT problem, know about a wide range of technologies, and work for money that, in Portland, means you’re sharing a place with multiple roommates or homeless”
If this is the revolution, good luck to them attracting anybody to their “cause”
They don’t even say “free beer” in the posting!
No pic – I haz a sad panda.
Habanero Sculpin is yummy
Pouring a beer over the head of a guy with skulls on his undies seems to be a really bad idea.
I like beer. I like a good stout in the winter. I don’t like sriracha, my preference for hot sauce is cayenne sauce, like Louisiana, Franks, and Crystal. Tabasco is 2nd best for me. But I don’t want any of that stuff in my beer. They made a beer in MD with Old Bay in it. Blech! I like old bay, it goes on food, not beer.
Old Bay? That sounds awful.
Horrid.
Sloop got me to try Crystal and I’m glad he did.
Yeah, it’s good, so much flavor. I typically buy Louisiana, just an old habit from way back.
Same. I inherited a bunch of tabasco’s more interesting hot sauces after a family member found out he was allergic to a minor ingredient, so I’ve been working through those. They’re interesting and the heat level is great, but I like a little more acidic bite to my sauces than they’re providing.
I’m more of a fan of Korean 고추장 myself. To be fair, I’ve never seen Crystal up here — just stuff like Tabasco and Frank’s.
~~~international edit faerie AWAY~~~
**SIGH**
gochujang
My kingdom for an edit button.
How big is your kingdom?
In my mind, or IRL? (Similar to my “legendary” status . . . )
I love goju (garu/jang), but it’s such a distinctive flavor that anything I make with it immediately becomes Korean fusion.
I actually had a friend who went back to the States between contracts bring back cayenne pepper just so I could make basic chicken fajitas that didn’t taste like tteokbokki.
A lesson hard learned: Tobasco is not substitutable for Crystal at the same quantities in recipes. Best nearly inedible okra tomato stew I made
It’s hotter, not same flavor.
Tapatio
Ok, I know everyone has talked about John, but apparently Winston is also banned? I get that he’s an obnoxious Eeyore but what exactly did he do to warrant a ban?
Winston? I’ve never seen him be obnoxious. Was it something about him mom?
I’m not from the established TOS group, whats the joke about Winston’s mom? Is she hot?
No. That might be the joke.
Everyone fucks her because she’s a whore basically.
I don’t actually know how that got started over at TOS. It just became a thing. Like STEVE SMITH, but with less rape.
Can’t rape the willing
She’s basically Mac’s mom.
Thats…disappointing. Thanks!
I don’t think he was.
*double checks with cabal*
Yeah, it sounds like he just wandered away. Not everyone who disappears has been banned.
Gilmore said something about keeping Winston away, which made me wonder.
Yeah, I saw that in the other thread. Our intent is that our willingness to use the banhammer (albeit judiciously) makes the space less fertile for griefers. We strongly prefer it not coming to bans.
What a wasted opportunity, If I ever get tired of you jerks I’m going out in a blaze of profanity and abuse that would make an Irishman blush.
This guy gets it.
+1 Chief Petty Officer
With bursting forehead and neck veins. I was on the receiving end of a few of those tirades back in the day.
I think when I was at Basic Training, one of the Drill SGT’s let loose a tirade so profane, some of us had second degree burns on our ears.
I think I ended up getting a commission later on, just to avoid being on the receiving end of those.
Like a Chief!
Fake news.
Maybe it was Winston’s mom who was banned?
She’s clean, affordable, and discreet, she’d never be banned.
Well, you have two out of three correct.
So, the Limeys let in a horde of 7th century inbred barbarians. Inbred Barbarians behave like inbred barbarians. Leader cunt promises to show them terrorists by taking away the rights of the citizens. They don’t need the internet to know how to build a bomb, you stupid cunt.
STUPID CUNT
FYI this joke of a propaganda game is supposed to prevent right-wing extremism in the UK. Paid for by British tax dollars of course.
I want to mention that I am not really one of the cool kids, I’m just married to one. Having no history from TOS or with anyone of the Glibertariat (including the Founders until this site, really) I am only on the margins of the decision-making. I’m more like the executioner than the judge or jury.
The Founders take the community here seriously and are grateful for it every day, especially the number of different voices here. The amount of discussion that takes place off the site every.single.day over *everything* concerning the site is really amazing. And I say this as an admin of some large Internet fora for a couple decades now.
Subjects discussed (and sometimes vociferously argued) on any given day: which links to include; editing and scheduling of posts; behavior of community members (including the Founders themselves); story arcs (although only SugarFree is responsible for his particular “offerings”); concern about various challenges being faced by specific Glib members; new content ideas; content creation and research. The list goes on and on and on.
All this to say, banning is very much a last resort, not undertaken lightly or without much agonized consideration. Almost everything you think you know about any situation that contributes to a ban is a tiny, tiny part of what really takes place. Each of our microscopic number of bans has been the result of many hours of discussion over many days – and even weeks, in some cases – by the Founders. Much interaction with the potential ban-ee takes place off the site and the Founders have chosen to keep those private details private, which decision I applaud.
TL;DNR: I can assure you that every ban has been well earned.
I hope good things.
If SP let me stay after my pizza preferences came out…
Pizza orientation. You were born that way.
We know of your terrible taste in pizza. Have you weighed in on crunchy vs. creamy yet?
one two three four FIF
Tulpa? I kid…
It’s all seemed fair and predictable to me.
My personal revelation from long ago: If you find yourself getting physically angry at someone in a text interaction over the network, you’ve likely been involved in escalating the situation. Step back, calm down, de-escalate or disengage. It can be very hard to realize this without non-verbal (or verbal) cues.
RE Glassware. Old jelly jar or GTFO. Trailer trash FTW.
As to the beer, it sounds like not my thing. Thanks for the review MS. I wonder what could be cooked with that beer though. I have a brisket point, rack of ribs and mac and cheese in the smoker at the moment.
…it moved
Smoked mac and cheese is da bomb yo. So is smoked baked beans, but I was not in a bean mood.
Hot beer bread?
I have never made a beer bread. I was thinking more along the lines of carnitas. I was watching some cooking show, DDD maybe, and they made carnitas with evap milk and coke. I tried it and it was awesome.
Hmmm. Might have to try that. Thanks!
The beer sounds nasty.
The review, however, was magnificent! You have a gift, man.
Keep ’em coming.
Thanks!
Hot beers are so hot right now.
I’ve recently tried these two.
http://www.newbelgium.com/beer/voodoo-ranger-atomic-pumpkin Because I’m a basic bitch at heart and I’ll try pumpkin flavored just-about-anything. I would drink it again, but I probably wouldn’t buy a whole sixer of it.
https://www.beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/199/69792/ Which the wise waitress at Old Chicago suggested just a sample of instead of just going for it. She earned an extra large tip because of that because all the menu mentioned was that it was a Ballast Point Stout. Probably would not have made it through a whole pint.
’m a basic bitch at heart and I’ll try pumpkin flavored just-about-anything.
Rogue’s Pumpkin Patch is good.
Pumpkinhead is hit or miss with me.
I will keep an eye out for it! There’s a Dark o the Moon pumpkin stout made by Elysian that’s currently my favorite pumpkin beer of all time. Of all time!
Are you one of those Starbucks pumpkin latte fanatics? Pumpkin and beer sounds horrible.
Yes and no. I’ve been known to frequent Starbucks from time to time, but I usually end up with a London Fog. I don’t think I’ve ever had a pumpkin spice latte, actually
You like pumpkin eh? You’ll get one about pumpkins on Wednesday or Thursday, depending on the validity of a rumor at work…
Yaaaaas! Bring it on!
Hopefully all this experimentation and – frankly – posing over putting truly weird shit in beer will reduce the pressure on hop supplies.
I love IPAs – or did – until all the cool kids started trying to deliver ridiculously overhopped varietals.
I think that’s fair. I’ve had a couple IPAs that were actually good.
All the others fall into that ridiculously overhopped varietals you mention
I’m impatiently waiting for the hop craze to die out. Or at least subside a bit. I was at a bar a while back with 30-40 taps and half of them were IPA’s. Or double IPA’s or grass-fed IPA’s or what the hell ever. Enough already. There are dozens (hundreds?) or different beer varieties out there.
Fair warning, ultra-hopped beer will be replaced by sours as the new craze in craft brewing, so if that isn’t your bag (yet?) go out and get acclimated.
I bet you’re right. I have seen more of them popping up. I guess I’m neutral on sours. I like one occasionally, but it’s not a style I seek out.
BF has been into them for a few years so I’ve gotten acclimated. At least with sours there’ll be Berliner Weisse, which are tart but mild and can be gussied up with fruit-flavored syrups to make them palatable to the GF you drag to a tasting room.
I would gladly take a sour craze over a hops craze. You can do a lot of fun things with sours. The wide range of flavors alone makes it more appealing to me. It seems to me there is a lot more room for innovation there. Whereas the hops/IPA craze seems to have two options; how close to grass can we make this beer taste, and what non-hoppy beer varieties can we wreck by hopping the hell out of.
I’m starting to see it in the southeast. I have never liked a sour; at best, it’s quaffable for about 4 oz and after that I’m tired of it. A whole pint and I wonder if I should have just thrown up in my mouth and saved the beer, because at that point stomach acid and lacto beer tastes the same to me.
I do like IPAs but the field does need to be cleared a bit.
Are you getting a lot of Goses? BF specifically singles them out as the sour beer he won’t drink because nobody does them well and they “taste like vom” when done poorly because of the slight saltiness mixed with the acidity.
Yeah, Goses everywhere. Already specializing into fruit flavored Goses. They’re really awful.
The only sour that I can stand (in small quantities, still) is a raspberry lambic, but I don’t think that is considered a sour
Yeah, lambics are part of the club. They’re mild and easy to drink so I think people discount them as being sour beers. I’d assume they’re the only ones most people would ever have had (before the sour craze takes off).
Sam Adams used to do a Cherry Lambic that wasn’t bad. My tolerance was about 2 bottles though.
And yeah, Goses are primarily pretty naff. If I’m drinking with a meal, they go down OK, but I’d much rather have a bottle of something legitimately mediocre. Hell, I think I’d even have something with pumpkin in it before I welcomed unknown, fruity, goses.
Hates Rush and likes pumpkin beers.
Now I believe you’re a real woman.
Finally! It only took a few years and a couple awful opinions.
Now I am in like the Flynn!
I like beer flavored beer.
Amen to that.
I’m really enjoying your beer reviews! And thanks specifically for this one. I’ve had that beer in my hand a couple times, but didn’t pull the trigger. Now I won’t even put it in my hand. (Euphemism?)
a beer in the hand is worth two in the cooler?
I’ll say this because I don’t think you guys can move the needle too far on the supply (drink it all).
I like Deschutes Red Chair, which is a fall/winter seasonal. I think they call it an NWPA (north west pale ale). Not ridiculously hoppy. Not fruity.
YMMV
To be honest, I drink a lot(!) of Coors Light. I yam what I yam.
I yam what I yam.
A great source of dietary progesterone?
A great source of dietary progesterone?
I’m not sure. Is that good or bad?
RE Glassware. Old jelly jar or GTFO
George Jones agrees
One of the local brewers, maybe Bosque Brewery, came out with a green chile beer that tasted pretty much like you’d expect: a passable pils with green chile highlights, like drinking Miller Lite with a plate of enchiladas. Which would have been somewhat better.