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The Continuing Awesome Adventures of Secret Nazi President!!11!1!

Posted by BakedPenguin | Apr 2, 2017 | Comic, Secret Nazi President | 127

 

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About The Author

BakedPenguin

127 Comments

  1. Suthenboy on April 2, 2017 at 4:12 pm

    Desperate ruling class on sinking ship put on tinfoil hats and furiously rearrange deck chairs.

    *munching popcorn*

  2. westernsloper on April 2, 2017 at 4:25 pm

    Damn straight. Never turn your back on a turtle.

    • Hyperion on April 2, 2017 at 4:28 pm

      Or stick your hand in a giant catfish mouth.

      • westernsloper on April 2, 2017 at 5:13 pm

        Like this?

        • Hyperion on April 2, 2017 at 5:32 pm

          Oh yeah, the noodling thing. Have you ever done that? I can tell you right now, even a catfish a couple of pounds will smash the fuck out of you fingers if you stick them in their mouth. They have very powerful jaws. When I was a kid, I took one of my younger cousins fishing and he caught a nice sized bullhead. I told him that he could just stick his hand in the mouth to get the hook out because they have no teeth. I think he was 8 years old and I was 12. He was bawling ‘he bit me, he bit me!’. LOL.

          • westernsloper on April 2, 2017 at 5:44 pm

            Have I done that? Hell no. That is some extreme redneck fishing there. Way out of my league.

          • Hyperion on April 2, 2017 at 5:47 pm

            Well, I’ll go back to my original post then and tell you ‘do not stick your hand into a giant catfish mouth’. I mean, unless you’re into pain. Sure a couple cases of beer will dull it, but you’re gonna be feelin it tomorrow.

          • Suthenboy on April 2, 2017 at 5:45 pm

            Some people do that down here but it is not common. You may note that a lot of those noodling videos have warnings on them and for good reason – “Do not try this in areas where alligators live”

          • westernsloper on April 2, 2017 at 5:50 pm

            A flappin catfish clinched to your forearm would never attract a gator. Probably scare them away fer sure.

          • Suthenboy on April 2, 2017 at 6:56 pm

            I think the main danger is that you would end up putting your hand into a gator’s mouth instead of a catfish’s maw. It would be an easy mistake to make. Gators hang out in the same kinds of places and have a bite reflex to anything touching or moving near the end of their snout. An alligator also has the strongest jaws currently on the planet and stronger jaws than any extinct creature save the T-Rex. This is because they eat armored turtles for a living. They can crunch up a loggerhead like you crunch potato chips. You can imagine how that would go for a human arm.

          • westernsloper on April 2, 2017 at 7:07 pm

            Oh ya, I didn’t think of that. I am sure that could be a problem. I have worked in swamps. I am not a fan.

          • westernsloper on April 2, 2017 at 5:53 pm

            In OK they do it in the creeks. The big catfish live in the old rusted out cars that have been pushed in. It is a good way to drown even if no gators are around.

          • Hyperion on April 2, 2017 at 6:01 pm

            My father caught a 67 lb catfish in the spillway of a major reservoir back in the 90s. It was in all of the local papers. It took him more than 30 minutes to wear this thing out and finally get it in. They’re very powerful, even a 5 lb one can put up a hell of a fight on light tackle. A really big one is no doubt very dangerous in the water.

          • Hyperion on April 2, 2017 at 5:55 pm

            I’m not even getting into any water where there’s gators. In Brazil where my wife and I have a place, there are signs on the beach about every 1000 feet warning you to not go into the water at high tide. That’s because there are great whites the size of school buses who will eat you in one bite. I don’t even go in the water at low tide because one of the first times we were walking together on the beach there, there was a jelly fish washed up on the beach that was bright florescent pink. Fuck that shit.

          • Ted S. on April 2, 2017 at 6:37 pm

            I’d think fucking jellyfish would be painful.

            To each his own, however.

          • Suthenboy on April 2, 2017 at 6:58 pm

            Pro-tip: Warm water sharks are bad enough. Cold water sharks (specifically those that prey primarily on pinnipeds) are exponentially worse. I will take a gator any day.

          • thrakkorzog on April 3, 2017 at 1:51 am

            And the pussification of America continues.

            Back in my Boy Scout days it wasn’t that uncommon to see alligator tracks on the beach. On the off chance one of the gators tried to carry off a camper, the scout masters had rifles. Plus there were like 20 kids with pocket knifes, ready to take a stab at a gator. Gators are dumb. but they’re not that dumb.

  3. Hyperion on April 2, 2017 at 4:27 pm

    “The allegations of Russian collusion that we made up”

    I lol’d.

  4. Floridaman on April 2, 2017 at 4:36 pm

    I agree with the man, let’s see em.

  5. Gilmore on April 2, 2017 at 4:43 pm

    I just came here from reading the LA Times latest Sunday Editorial meltdown

    (h/t instapundit)

    This comic strip actually reads far more like ‘serious news by serious journalists’ than does the above editorial.

    • Floridaman on April 2, 2017 at 4:47 pm

      LA Times. There’s your problem, you’re not reading a newspaper, you’re reading birdcage liner. Everyone knows birds like to poo on other pieces of shit.
      https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=BzjLlqIuVhI

    • westernsloper on April 2, 2017 at 4:56 pm

      I tried to read that today. I gave up.

      From the comments:

      wso500000 Newcomer 6 minute(s) ago
      The left created a caricature of Trump and now, contrary to all evidence, they believe it. It is facinating how a child’s mind works.

    • Suthenboy on April 2, 2017 at 5:05 pm

      “It was no secret during the campaign that Obama was a narcissist and a demagogue who used fear and dishonesty to appeal to the worst in American voters. The Times called him unprepared and unsuited for the job he was seeking, and said his election would be a “catastrophe.”

      This is more accurate. I dont recall them running around with their hair on fire in 2008. I do recall them hiding (still hiding) a video of Obama shmoozing with sworn enemies of the United States. I dont think the ‘catastrophe’ that they mention with regards to Trump is the one they want you to think they mean.

      It would suit me fine if every one of them were to kill themselves.

      • Suthenboy on April 2, 2017 at 5:07 pm

        Also, the article shows up on my screen in ‘blind old person / child learning to read’ size print. Why on earth would that be?

        • Ted S. on April 2, 2017 at 5:29 pm

          You’re either a blind old person, or a child learning to read? :-p

        • thrakkorzog on April 3, 2017 at 1:57 am

          I’m guessing you hit Ctrl-V and and accidentally changed your font size.

    • one true athena on April 2, 2017 at 5:18 pm

      I still sub their twitter and it alternates between Very Important Entertainment News and level 10 derp. And what’s so sad is they have a few good investigators for local matters (when they can be arsed to look into it) but the rest of it is turned into garbage.

    • Rhywun on April 2, 2017 at 5:18 pm

      His attempt to de-insure millions of people who had finally received healthcare coverage and, along the way, enact a massive transfer of wealth from the poor to the rich has been put on hold for the moment.

      lolwut?

      That’s as far as I got.

      • Gilmore on April 2, 2017 at 5:22 pm

        massive transfer of wealth from the poor

        For his next trick, he’s going to kill all the fish in the desert.

        • Rhywun on April 2, 2017 at 5:32 pm

          Every time I think their projection can’t get more shameless, they manage to out-do themselves.

          • juris imprudent on April 2, 2017 at 7:25 pm

            They may not have any brains, but by gawd they have feelings!

      • Brochettaward on April 2, 2017 at 5:32 pm

        Not giving is taking. It is known.

      • Pomp on April 2, 2017 at 6:20 pm

        Dude, that’s a line that Pelosi was using before the Tryancare debacle.

    • Hyperion on April 2, 2017 at 5:35 pm

      I almost posted that earlier this morning. Good gawd, the smell of TDS is strong in the morning.

    • Rhywun on April 2, 2017 at 5:46 pm

      OK, I made it a little further.

      Trump’s shocking lack of respect for those fundamental rules and institutions on which our government is based.

      LOL are they serious? When did the left become Tories?!

      This is the first in a series.

      Oh lord.

      • Ted S. on April 2, 2017 at 6:05 pm

        A series of endless fun.

      • Hyperion on April 2, 2017 at 6:13 pm

        It’s amazing how in just the last several months, the left have suddenly discovered such things as Jesus, Democracy, the Constitution, the 2nd amendment, etc. All things they have always been swearing do not exist. It really cannot get any funnier than this, can it?

      • juris imprudent on April 2, 2017 at 7:27 pm

        I’ve had a series like that – many trips to the bathroom, solid to liquid to gas.

    • Rufus the Monocled on April 2, 2017 at 5:51 pm

      That was glorious.

      The stench of progressive smugness in that board room must be such that not even Febreze could take away the scent.

      I’m officially pulling for Trump.

  6. Tonio on April 2, 2017 at 4:43 pm

    Who of us cannot help but identify with the simply-stated needs of Mr. Icehole?

    • DEG on April 2, 2017 at 4:51 pm

      He looks familiar.

      • BakedPenguin on April 2, 2017 at 5:01 pm

        He gets around.

    • westernsloper on April 2, 2017 at 4:52 pm

      I feel Mr Icehole speaks for us all.

      • Jimbo on April 2, 2017 at 10:20 pm

        This icehole don’t need no one speaking for him. Being an ice comes natural to me.

  7. DEG on April 2, 2017 at 4:51 pm

    Becky, Svetlana, Maria: foursome material

    • Floridaman on April 2, 2017 at 4:54 pm

      Try to figure out if they’re actually SJW’s in the real world first, if they are give them a fake number,name, and address.

  8. Vhyrus on April 2, 2017 at 5:12 pm

    Nuclear launch detected:

    McConnell Says Gorsuch Will be Confirmed This Week, With or Without Democrats

    The D’s are finally figuring out the genie isn’t going back into the bottle.

    • Floridaman on April 2, 2017 at 5:21 pm

      Anyone want to take a guess about which Dems will fall into the bottle about this?

      • Suthenboy on April 2, 2017 at 5:23 pm

        All of them I hope.

    • Hyperion on April 2, 2017 at 5:44 pm

      Well, it’s not like we don’t all already know that, or even the Democrats do not know that. I mean, sure, the peasant left who believe in things like bigfoot, space aliens, Russian election hacking, and White Squaw recount efforts, believe it. But outside of that, we all know Gorsuch is getting confirmed one way or other.

      • Vhyrus on April 2, 2017 at 5:53 pm

        I was more referring to the nuclear option. The dems in their absolute hubris opened that pandoras box thinking they were gonna own that shit forever. Now that they’re getting a nice dose of their own salty medicine they’re crying foul. The Rs may be stupid but they at least know turnabout is fair play. I honestly should be surprised the dems are crying about the nuclear option without a shred of irony but since they literally have no self awareness it’s become par for the course.

        • Hyperion on April 2, 2017 at 6:03 pm

          Yes, I know what you were saying. I was just agreeing that the guy is getting confirmed, one way or other, and everyone who is not misinformed, knows this.

        • Brochettaward on April 2, 2017 at 6:07 pm

          Politicians aren’t incentivized to think beyond their next election.

          • Hyperion on April 2, 2017 at 6:14 pm

            Politics as a career is something that needs to be ended.

          • Rhywun on April 2, 2017 at 6:17 pm

            Show me on the doll where the selfless public servant hurt you.

          • Hyperion on April 2, 2017 at 6:34 pm

            This part right here where I want to shove something spiked and burning up.

          • Ted S. on April 2, 2017 at 6:52 pm
          • Ted S. on April 2, 2017 at 6:55 pm

            Crap; you have to use HTML attributes for the greater and less than tags even when you’re creating a nonsense tag.

            [points to every part of doll]

          • Vhyrus on April 2, 2017 at 6:31 pm

            There’s a very easy way to do this. Make politics a thankless job. Pay them a pittance, strip their pseudo celebrity status, make them pay their own way, and the grifters will leave like rats off a sinking ship.

          • Hyperion on April 2, 2017 at 6:33 pm

            Well, that’s certainly a good start. I concur.

          • Vhyrus on April 2, 2017 at 6:50 pm

            Here’s a good amendment: a politician cannot be paid more than the lowest paid legally employed person in their district. Of course we would also have to abolish mandatory minimum wage as well. We could also pay them the mean of their district.

          • Francisco d'Anconia on April 2, 2017 at 6:56 pm

            How bout simply…one and done?

          • Ted S. on April 2, 2017 at 7:00 pm

            We should call them “Boy” and “Girl”. Treat them like the hired help they are, not like they’re above us.

          • OneOut on April 2, 2017 at 7:10 pm

            The perks of Congressional office are such that every one of them would actually pay for the job if it was required.

            Can you imagine having a job with immunity from insider trading yet with the power to affect the stock market and individual stocks ?

          • Brochettaward on April 2, 2017 at 7:41 pm

            It really does boggle the mind that someone like Bernie Sanders can still be worth relatively nothing. Like, how dumb of a fucking human being do you have to be not to get rich in Congress?

          • Suthenboy on April 2, 2017 at 7:02 pm

            “Politics as a career is something that needs to be ended.”

            This X 10,000.

          • Francisco d'Anconia on April 2, 2017 at 7:25 pm

            A single term. That’s a single term in any elected government position. Not a term in the house and another in the senate. When elected, all of their assets go into a non-interest-earning trust and may be accessed 10 years after their term has ended. It may not be reinvested…ever.

            Pay them well. At the completion of their single term, they receive a 100% retirement, adjusted for inflation, for the remainder of their (and their spouse’s lives). The catch is that they may never work or receive another dime of compensation from any other source.

            I’m with ya. Take out all the power and all the payoffs. Make it a good deal while eliminating the incentive to prop up cronies.

          • Suthenboy on April 2, 2017 at 7:48 pm

            I would have said two but I wouldn’t fight you over one. If you have a good one keep around for another term but not so many that they get corrupted. Or just one’s good.

        • Ted S. on April 2, 2017 at 6:40 pm

          I think there should be filibusters, but they have to be of the Jefferson Smith standing on the Senate Floor reading from Advise and Consent type of filibuster, not the technical filibuster we have now.

    • one true athena on April 2, 2017 at 7:16 pm

      News seems to be pushing the “there aren’t enough votes to confirm Gorsuch neener neener” narrative, I presume that’s so when the Reid option is deployed, they can act ~shocked at the fascist Repubs daring to do such a thing.

      sigh. it’s so boring and transparent.

  9. BakedPenguin on April 2, 2017 at 5:24 pm

    note: Denver J and other phone users – you might find this more better for yer phone.

    Just make sure to come right back here ‘cus that’s just a ‘storage’ site.

    • Ted S. on April 2, 2017 at 5:34 pm

      It’s asking me for my password….

      • BakedPenguin on April 2, 2017 at 5:47 pm

        No shit? Fuuuck. Sorry,man

        • BakedPenguin on April 2, 2017 at 5:57 pm

          AFAIK, there are no security locks on my ‘reservoir’ site – but I don’t go there with my phone.

          • Ted S. on April 2, 2017 at 6:09 pm

            I was there on my desktop, and it was asking me for my email address/password. I tried my email address/password here, but it didn’t work. I don’t have a general WordPress account.

          • BakedPenguin on April 2, 2017 at 6:27 pm

            I honestly don’t know. I went to my WordPress page/Site Info, and I don’t have any limitations that I can see.

            I blame Linux.

          • Ted S. on April 2, 2017 at 6:41 pm

            Windows would have given me a BSOD and tried to install gigs of Cortana shit.

          • BakedPenguin on April 2, 2017 at 7:43 pm

            Yeah, Windows sucks, but I was mainly making an avatar joke.

  10. Juvenile Bluster on April 2, 2017 at 6:08 pm

    I need an opinion. Is this serious or is it satire? I’m leaning towards satire, but I know people really think this way, so I’m confused.

    The misogynistic, homophobic, transphobic, Islamophobic hate speech directed at oppressed groups is damaging to society – and with the rise of Donald Trump’s brand of politics, it is also being legitimised.

    So, what does this have to do with free speech? And how might things change for the better?

    Well, there is some hope. The Canadian parliament has passed the M-103 motion, which calls on the government to condemn Islamophobia. It is the silver lining of a dark and depressing cloud, and it is something I think New Zealand should seek to not only emulate but improve.

    Our Government should look to criminalise not only Islamophobia, but racist rhetoric and the criticism of feminism and LGBTQAA+ rights.

    Free speech is all well and good, but it should not be defended at the expense of minority groups.

    Nothing quells fear and hatred like making it illegal, and if we stop opposing progressive values then surely the constant fighting will stop too.

    New Zealand is not a place of tolerance at the moment, but I believe if we curtail free speech, we will be on the path to a fairer future.

    • Ted S. on April 2, 2017 at 6:14 pm

      I think it’s real.

      One of the links in the sidebar is My year without Facebook. Somehow, I’ve survived much longer than a year without Facebook.

    • Rhywun on April 2, 2017 at 6:15 pm

      Who can even tell any more.

    • westernsloper on April 2, 2017 at 6:21 pm

      My take is that is the section requesting reader submissions. I think the dude believes what he is writing. Many comments call him out for it being a crazy thought.

    • Brochettaward on April 2, 2017 at 6:24 pm

      Hm…I’m going to go with fake, without clicking. Usually these people who argue these things are so deep in the derp vortex that they don’t recognize that they are calling for an exception to free speech. They simply declare that hate speech isn’t free speech so that they can maintain that they totally support it still, and do jazz hands celebrating how clever they are afterwards.

    • Carl on April 2, 2017 at 6:28 pm

      Nothing quells fear and hatred like making it illegal, and if we stop opposing progressive values then surely the constant fighting will stop too.

      Satire

    • BakedPenguin on April 2, 2017 at 6:28 pm

      Ahem.

      • The Elite Elite on April 2, 2017 at 7:02 pm

        Bearing covered this in a video before Sargon just the other day too. The mask really is slipping off from the far left radicals.

      • OneOut on April 2, 2017 at 7:19 pm

        “picking cotton” is bragging rights to the schools who earned the invitation to play in the Cotton Bowl.

        idiots all

    • Ted S. on April 2, 2017 at 6:46 pm

      And, Stuff links to Washington Post happy that judges don’t want Trump to have 1A rights.

      • westernsloper on April 2, 2017 at 7:01 pm

        That is another article I tried to read today and gave up on. Stuff is a NZ site that all the kiwi’s I worked with visited regularly. They do a daily trivia quiz thing that all the helicopter pilots would get together and do.

        You human encyclopedias and nerds would do well.

        • Ted S. on April 2, 2017 at 7:12 pm

          Well, except on the NZ-related questions.

          I’m reminded of the BBC show Brain of Britain, which really should be called Brain of Things Having to Do With Britain. They had a question once on what Americans call a coffin. (As if we don’t use that word.) Everybody was stumped.

          • Rhywun on April 2, 2017 at 7:40 pm

            Were they fishing for “casket”? I had to dig that up in a thesaurus; I never use that word.

          • Ted S. on April 3, 2017 at 4:19 am

            People on this side of the pond don’t know the word “casket”?

    • Suthenboy on April 2, 2017 at 7:08 pm

      Sadly that is not parody. It sure as hell puts a lot of comedians out of work, but not parody. Behold the face of useful idiocy in all of its glory.

    • juris imprudent on April 2, 2017 at 7:30 pm

      Chile is looking better every day.

    • The Elite Elite on April 2, 2017 at 7:55 pm

      So they’ve extended the QWERTY line yet again. So, what do those two As stand for?

  11. Old Man With Candy on April 2, 2017 at 6:10 pm

    Pro tip: Never go drinking with Swiss when you have an hour drive home.

    • Ted S. on April 2, 2017 at 6:17 pm

      Our Swiss of the Narrowed Gaze, or Swiss people in general?

      (When the Swiss get drunk, they try to fuck the holes in Swiss cheese.)

    • Swiss Servator on April 2, 2017 at 6:17 pm

      WHY NOT?! I told you that stuff was a bit on the strong side. Plus, there are plenty of public restrooms between here and home.

      P. S. Thanks for the pizza.

      • Pomp on April 2, 2017 at 6:24 pm

        It was deep dish pizza wasn’t it?

        • Old Man With Candy on April 2, 2017 at 7:19 pm

          No, it was real pizza. And it was magnificent.

          • Pomp on April 2, 2017 at 8:25 pm

            Ah yes, I love Little Caesar’s take-away too.

          • Old Man With Candy on April 2, 2017 at 9:11 pm

            Cat butt needed on Aisle 5!

        • Swiss Servator on April 2, 2017 at 7:20 pm

          Believe it or not, it wasn’t.

          • juris imprudent on April 2, 2017 at 7:32 pm

            You are both in Illinois, so I suspect it is like a Muslim lying about the faith to avoid death/injury.

  12. Hyperion on April 2, 2017 at 6:15 pm

    Also, thanks again, BP, for another episode of Secret Nazi President. Looking forward to see what Secret Nazi President does next. I’m sure it’s killing the climate.

    • DEG on April 2, 2017 at 6:25 pm

      Seconded

      • BakedPenguin on April 2, 2017 at 6:29 pm

        Thanks, to both of you.

        • Swiss Servator on April 2, 2017 at 7:21 pm

          Thirded. I look forward to next episode each week. Of Secret Nazi President. Who is a secret Nazi.

          • westernsloper on April 2, 2017 at 7:26 pm

            Indeed. It is something I look forward to as well..

          • BakedPenguin on April 2, 2017 at 7:59 pm

            Thanks again. It is appreciated.

          • Jimbo on April 2, 2017 at 10:30 pm

            I like the hot chicks. I’m pathetic, I know.

  13. Brochettaward on April 2, 2017 at 6:18 pm

    With the whole milk is a sign of white supremacy line from the left, I was just wondering how long until cum is added to the list of things that are oppressive symbols of the white supremacist capitalist patriarchy. I mean, beyond the feminists who already argue that all penetration by a penis is rape.

    • Hyperion on April 2, 2017 at 6:19 pm

      I’m just concentrating on drinking more milk and cumming more.

    • westernsloper on April 2, 2017 at 6:25 pm

      cum is added to the list of things that are oppressive symbols of the white supremacist capitalist patriarchy.

      That is why you are supposed to get rid of it as often as possible.

      • Brochettaward on April 2, 2017 at 6:26 pm

        Way ahead of you. I’m pretty much typing with one hand at all times.

        • Jimbo on April 2, 2017 at 10:31 pm

          Nice.

    • DEG on April 2, 2017 at 6:26 pm

      There are already feminists that think blowjobs and facials are degrading and sexist.

      • DEG on April 2, 2017 at 6:27 pm

        Oh… you mentioned feminists in your post. Sorry. Carry on.

    • Ted S. on April 2, 2017 at 6:48 pm

      If blacks are better endowed down there, do they also produce more ejaculate?

      • Heroic Mulatto on April 2, 2017 at 7:08 pm

        Yes.

        • Ted S. on April 2, 2017 at 7:17 pm

          Why am I not surprised you keep stuff like this in your bookmarks?

          • Swiss Servator on April 2, 2017 at 7:29 pm

            How long have you been reading HM’s links? He is fascinating, alarming, disturbing and always interesting.

          • Heroic Mulatto on April 2, 2017 at 7:43 pm

            ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

          • Ted S. on April 3, 2017 at 4:20 am

            I don’t normally click on HM’s links….

        • westernsloper on April 2, 2017 at 7:23 pm

          I’m not falling for it this time.

  14. __Warren__ on April 2, 2017 at 7:24 pm

    I’m thinking they’re setting up Summer to be Rick’s true apprentice. Morty will always just be Morty, a more courageous version of Jerry but still mostly a non-entity.

    Summer, though, in this last episode showed some amazing insight and was not bothered in the least by all the killing and destruction. And even enjoys it.

  15. juris imprudent on April 2, 2017 at 7:36 pm

    So after our opening-day trout shame, we went back out this afternoon and jurisita pulled in a lovely brookie; which was duly pan-fried as an appetizer before the steak main course. I have been outfished [again] by my wife, I will be drowning my sorrows the rest of the evening.

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ZARDOZ'S SUNDAY NIGHT LINKS

ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. IN AN EFFORT TO KEEP BRUTAL COMMENTERS FROM BEING SO ANGRY, ZARDOZ GIVES…

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Sunday Afternoon Links

Some relaxed links for a relaxed day. If you are looking for substance - these are not the Links you…