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The Continuing Awesome Adventures of Secret Nazi President!!11!1!

Posted by BakedPenguin | Mar 12, 2017 | Comic, Satire, Secret Nazi President | 176

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PreviousIn Defense of the Single Land Tax
NextZARDOZ’S SUNDAY NIGHT LINKS

About The Author

BakedPenguin

176 Comments

  1. DOOMco on March 12, 2017 at 3:06 pm

    I like that he owns a woodchipper.

    • Suthenboy on March 12, 2017 at 4:04 pm

      He probably received it as a gift disguised as a foot massager.

  2. Juvenile Bluster on March 12, 2017 at 3:08 pm

    But two days before he got fired Preet got a letter from some citizen group asking him to investigate Trump or Trump’s business ties or something, so clearly that’s why he was asked to resign/fired/fired out of a cannon into the sun!

  3. Old Man With Candy on March 12, 2017 at 3:10 pm

    Why was there no panel with him being fed into the woodchipper?

    • BakedPenguin on March 12, 2017 at 3:13 pm

      He’s going to get a replacement. I don’t like getting served legal papers.

      • Old Man With Candy on March 12, 2017 at 3:15 pm

        He’s not in a position to do that any more. Kick the fucker while he’s down, that’s the true Golden Rule.

        • thrakkorzog on March 12, 2017 at 3:25 pm

          Pretty sure his replacement, Qreet will be as happy to wield the power of the state to punish disfavored political groups.

      • RBS on March 12, 2017 at 3:34 pm

        I’m licensed in federal court, I got your back.

        • Suthenboy on March 12, 2017 at 4:09 pm

          Many lawyers dont know that they have to be licensed to practice in Fed court. I mentioned that to a lawyer friend of mine once and his eyes got really, really big. “You have to be licensed to practice in Federal Court?! That’s bullshit. You are just fucking with me.”

          Me – “No, I am not fucking with you one bit. You have to be licensed. Wait, how did you…really?”

          Him – “I gotta go. I will call you.”

          • sloopyinca on March 12, 2017 at 4:16 pm

            Protip: if you’re in a conversation with a lawyer and that lawyer doesn’t know the licensing process to practice before different courts, you should avoid using said lawyer as legal representation under any and all circumstances.

          • Suthenboy on March 12, 2017 at 5:47 pm

            You are assuming that….uh…never mind. Carry on.

          • westernsloper on March 12, 2017 at 4:32 pm

            *no offense to RBS who I am sure is a fine lawyer and I know is not a moron*

            When I was in the CG we rescued two guys off of a light tower. They had tied their boat to a crab pot float and went diving. When they came up, their boat was gone. Gone the same way any person with normal intelligence would assume if they tied their boat to a crab pot float. The wind blew it away. They swam to the light tower and disabled the light so the CG would come. They thanked us and said it was a good thing they were rescued because they needed to be back home for graduation. They were graduating from law school.

          • trshmnstr on March 12, 2017 at 7:24 pm

            This matches with my experience of law school. A lot of people who were told they were a lot smarter than they actually were.

  4. The Fusionist on March 12, 2017 at 3:14 pm

    Hey I wished him many long years in private life, maybe I’ll get my wish.

    Though “private life” probably means parking at some law firm or think tank waiting for a Democratic administration to give him his old job back…or a better job.

    • Juvenile Bluster on March 12, 2017 at 3:25 pm

      ex-US Attorney for SDNY? He’s going to a 7 figure job in a big firm in NYC.

      • Somalian Road Corporation on March 12, 2017 at 3:42 pm

        I’m fine with that. I’m not longer paying his salary with my taxes so that he can put me out of work or chill my speech.

      • The Fusionist on March 12, 2017 at 4:58 pm

        Maybe white-collar defense will be his thing.

        • The Fusionist on March 12, 2017 at 4:59 pm

          “Trust me, you need a high-powered attorney who has your back. You have no idea what the prosecutors can do to you once you’re in their sights.”

  5. The Late P Brooks on March 12, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    *off camera*

    “Who? Oh, right, you’re that guy from Deutsche Bank. How much? Are you kidding? Jamie Dimon offered me more than that to work part time. Up your game, or get lost.”

    • Sour Kraut on March 12, 2017 at 3:43 pm

      to work part time

      “Managing Director”

  6. Hyperion on March 12, 2017 at 3:44 pm

    CNN to the rescue!

    Trump’s really going to get it now!

    • RBS on March 12, 2017 at 3:54 pm

      That article made me want to vomit. Fuck that guy, fuck Preet and fuck the SDNY.

      • Hyperion on March 12, 2017 at 3:55 pm

        Well, it is CNN.

    • The Hyperbole on March 12, 2017 at 3:56 pm

      This is a great example of why I don’t get the whole OMG ‘The Media!!!11!!’ freak out, this is an opinion piece, it is clearly marked as an opinion piece, there is an editors note at the start of this opinion piece explaining that it is an opinion piece, this opinion piece starts by explaining that Trumps actions are par for the course, save for the reasons he’s gonna then give, which are his opinions. Good god people.

      • Hyperion on March 12, 2017 at 4:04 pm

        I’m sure everyone knows that it’s an opinion piece. Opinion pieces are not immune from criticism and heckling.

        • The Hyperbole on March 12, 2017 at 4:18 pm

          Oh I get it, that’s why you criticized and heckled the opinion piece,and not CNN for publishing it. My mistake.

          • Hyperion on March 12, 2017 at 4:31 pm

            I can think of about a thousand more reasons to criticize and heckle CNN if it makes you happy.

          • The Hyperbole on March 12, 2017 at 4:43 pm

            No need I’m pretty sure OMG ‘The Media!!11!!’ covers it.

    • sloopyinca on March 12, 2017 at 4:06 pm

      Bharara constantly generates headlines using a combination of charm and an ability to abandon legalese, speaking instead in quote-worthy soundbites to New York’s always headline-hungry press.

      Preet Bharara is the Neil deGrasse Tyson of the legal world.

      And that’s not a compliment.

      • Hyperion on March 12, 2017 at 4:09 pm

        So, he sounds cool on a documentary?

        • sloopyinca on March 12, 2017 at 4:13 pm

          He can dumb his shit down enough that the NY media eats it up. And I don’t mean the Times legal correspondents. I’m talking The NY Post page 3 guys.

          • Hyperion on March 12, 2017 at 4:27 pm

            NDT may be closer to a Bill Nye than he is to an Einstein or Hawking. I’m not sure, in his case, how much he’s dumbing it down. He’s a celebrity, ok. He has degrees. What exactly has he contributed to scientific knowledge? I really don’t know.

          • wdalasio on March 13, 2017 at 7:09 am

            If I recall correctly, NDT’s actual scientific work consisted of implementing a methodology for more accurately measuring the Earth’s distance from certain stars. Valid and useful stuff, but not exactly earthshaking. He found he could make a much better go of things running an amusement park ride (Hayden Planetarium). And he’s quite good as a showman. Some of the Hayden shows are quite good.

    • Francisco d'Anconia on March 12, 2017 at 4:19 pm

      Even presidents and attorney generals tread lightly when dealing with the powerful Southern District prosecutor given its storied history as an institution of impeccable integrity.

      Like threatening citizens over hyperbole, impeccable integrity?

      • Hyperion on March 12, 2017 at 4:37 pm

        Well, impeccable integrity does mean not having a sense of humor, right? That was one hell of a reach, must have really got his panties all in a bunch, which makes it twice as funny.

    • Rufus the Monocled on March 12, 2017 at 7:26 pm

      I’m sure he’s trembling.

      CNN: Made by and for dicks.

  7. The Late P Brooks on March 12, 2017 at 3:52 pm

    Even presidents and attorney generals tread lightly when dealing with the powerful Southern District prosecutor given its storied history as an institution of impeccable integrity.

    Wait, what?

    • RBS on March 12, 2017 at 3:54 pm

      Yeah, that made me laugh.

    • Gilmore on March 12, 2017 at 3:55 pm

      that’s some authentic media-gibberish right there

    • Hyperion on March 12, 2017 at 3:58 pm

      CNN knows no limit of sycophant sycophanting.

    • sloopyinca on March 12, 2017 at 4:08 pm

      You know what made me laugh? This:
      second only to that occupied by his nominal boss, the attorney general of the United States, Jeff Sessions.

      No, not his nominal boss. He’s his fucking boss.

      • Hyperion on March 12, 2017 at 4:12 pm

        Now Preet will never get to find out that marijuana is the biggest threat we face today.

  8. westernsloper on March 12, 2017 at 3:57 pm

    I waded into the comments of the several lynx people posted about this tool the past few days. Seems the prog narrative is that the Nazi President asked him to stay on and then fired him when he was going to investigate them. And they make fun of Alex Jones.

  9. Derpetologist on March 12, 2017 at 4:00 pm

    A man speaks at length and with great passion on the greatest work of art in history, which combines mathematics, philosophy, man’s place in the universe, and good and evil.

    https://youtu.be/NAh9oLs67Cw?t=10m38s

    • sloopyinca on March 12, 2017 at 4:10 pm

      Is it about Jaws? I bet it’s about Jaws.

    • cavalier973 on March 12, 2017 at 4:45 pm

      It’s about the comic strip “Garfield”, by Jim Davis.

      • cavalier973 on March 12, 2017 at 4:47 pm

        “You could look at everything as a man and a cat; two beings, in harmony, and at war.”

    • westernsloper on March 12, 2017 at 4:54 pm

      Since the only thing I can draw is a penis, I always try to proportion it after the golden ratio. One has to be true to their art.

    • Rufus the Monocled on March 12, 2017 at 7:30 pm

      Garfield.

      Meh.

  10. The Late P Brooks on March 12, 2017 at 4:06 pm

    Opinion pieces are not immune from criticism and heckling.

    Stupid opinions are never immune from heckling.

  11. Juvenile Bluster on March 12, 2017 at 4:09 pm

    Andrew Cuomo takes key step toward launching Presidential campaign

    I honest-to-goodness think I’d rather have President Hillary than him.

    • sloopyinca on March 12, 2017 at 4:11 pm

      I’d rather have the boubonic plague set loose than have him in the WH. He’s a despicable human being that will fuck our country up worse than I can imagine.

      • Hyperion on March 12, 2017 at 4:17 pm

        It’s much worse than that. The Democrats are going to run their very own Water Boy this time around. Oprah.

        Just imagine, Obama could not be criticized because racism. So what’s going to happen when we have the first overweight black female president? Then anyone who dares criticize the queen will be racist, sexist, and a body shamer. That’s the worst!

        • sloopyinca on March 12, 2017 at 4:24 pm

          No way. Sorry, but Oprah ain’t running for shit. She’s smarter than that.

          • Hyperion on March 12, 2017 at 4:29 pm

            I don’t know. I know the Democrats are really desperate to replicate some recent Republic success for themselves. There’s also now talk of Arnold. They did some polls and apparently Arnold is way more popular than Secret Nazi President. Not sure how they’re measuring popularity.

          • sloopyinca on March 12, 2017 at 7:17 pm

            He’s not a natural born citizen.

          • Hyperion on March 12, 2017 at 7:29 pm

            Well, sloop, you need to explain that to the starry eyed ‘resistance’. I mean, I would be surprised that they want to put all of their expectations on a former Republican, but then again, they’ve recently seen McCain and Graham as heroes.

    • westernsloper on March 12, 2017 at 4:19 pm

      Gov. Cuomo has hired two Florida fundraisers

      I take it you are not going to the $1000 a plate dinners?

      I would rather have Mr Lizard as President and exterminate us all over Hillary or Cuomo.

      • Juvenile Bluster on March 12, 2017 at 4:22 pm

        I thought all politicians were lizardpeople.

      • Mr Lizard on March 12, 2017 at 4:54 pm

        ummmmm so let me speak slowly so your feeble mammal brain can keep up.

        TRUE. DOMINEERING. SPECIES. DO NOT NEED ELECTIONS.

        We kinda just blast away 25% of the native populations and then subjegate the rest…

        But thank you for the support.

        • Hyperion on March 12, 2017 at 4:58 pm

          Oh yeah? What are you going to do when we turn the heat down? SNOWBALL EARTH, lizard vermin!

          • SimonD on March 12, 2017 at 5:01 pm

            why do you think global warming is happening? It’s the lizard overlords shaping the planet to their needs.

          • Mr Lizard on March 12, 2017 at 5:09 pm

            As one of your famous mammals said.

            Welcome to the party pal

          • Mr Lizard on March 12, 2017 at 5:03 pm

            Ah yes I forgot you have that giant thermostat underneath mount Gaia.

            Good luck with that

          • Hyperion on March 12, 2017 at 5:11 pm

            There’s nothing that Secret Nazi president cannot do. Make Gaia Cold Again!

          • juris imprudent on March 12, 2017 at 5:31 pm

            gasp – are you implying that Secret Nazi President is also Jadis, the White Witch?

          • Hyperion on March 12, 2017 at 5:47 pm

            Of course not, beloved former Ice Queen, Postrel is the White Witch.

  12. The Late P Brooks on March 12, 2017 at 4:14 pm

    No, not his nominal boss. He’s his fucking boss.

    Yeah, Sessions can dispatch a couple of United States Marshals to help Preet clean out his desk. I’d say that makes him the boss.

    • Hyperion on March 12, 2017 at 4:18 pm

      Sessions don’t have time for that shit, the reefer madness apocalypse is upon us.

  13. Juvenile Bluster on March 12, 2017 at 4:18 pm

    Who had war between Turkey and the Netherlands on their 2017 Bingo card?

    • Hyperion on March 12, 2017 at 4:19 pm

      I’m not really sure how the Netherlands went from socialist utopia to Nazis. That’s weird.

    • Gustave Lytton on March 12, 2017 at 4:41 pm

      Europe is a powder keg. My wife says there’s been several terrorist attacks reported on tv in the week she’s been in Germany, and called as such by the local media.

      • Hyperion on March 12, 2017 at 4:45 pm

        My wife was at the market in Berlin where the guy killed twelve people with a truck, the day before the attack.

        • cavalier973 on March 12, 2017 at 4:49 pm

          My wife had to use a rocket-launcher to ward off terrorists while she was on the Orient Express last week.

          • Hyperion on March 12, 2017 at 4:52 pm

            Cool story, brah. Oh, WTH, my concubine’s servant girl had to fight several terrorists in hand to hand mortal combat, ON TOP OF THAT SAME FUCKING TRAIN!

          • AlmightyJB on March 12, 2017 at 5:42 pm

            I was tied to the tracks by terrorist and run over by that same train. Small world.

          • one true athena on March 12, 2017 at 6:07 pm

            No way! That was YOU I tied to the tracks? wow, what are the odds.

          • RBS on March 12, 2017 at 6:08 pm

            My real name is Casey Ryback.

      • Gustave Lytton on March 12, 2017 at 5:14 pm

        Alright wise guys.

        Axe attack in Dusseldorf train station

        https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/several-injured-in-axe-attack-at-duesseldorf-train-station/2017/03/09/366557e8-0513-11e7-9d14-9724d48f5666_story.html?utm_term=.cfe6c73573e0

        Not to worry, he’s not part of the recent immigrants. He came to Germany as a refugee from Kosovo in 2009. smh

        Followed by a supposed unrelated machete attack by someone else who is still at large

        http://metro.co.uk/2017/03/10/man-attacked-with-machete-in-dusseldorf-hours-after-train-station-axe-rampage-6501536/

        • Gustave Lytton on March 12, 2017 at 5:20 pm

          Tear gas attack in Hamburg S-bahn

          http://www.express.co.uk/news/world/777675/hamburg-train-station-fumes-gas-police-chemical-metro-bahn

          Similar attack at Hamburg airport a month ago

          http://www.ibtimes.co.in/hamburg-airport-evacuated-after-tear-gas-is-sprayed-715796

          • Hyperion on March 12, 2017 at 5:52 pm

            I actually believed you and wasn’t kidding about my wife being in a Berlin Christmas market the day before 12 people were killed there by a terrorist attack, via truck.

          • Gustave Lytton on March 12, 2017 at 6:02 pm

            My wife thought the current attacks were a false flag operation because it’s so bizarre that it’s continuing and nothing else happens, as some kind of pretext for a crack down and closing the borders.

            No, just Germany’s leadership in complete denial of what’s going on.

            I’m glad your wife’s safe Hyperion. I’m feeling a bit more anxious now until the missus comes back home. Apart from the security issue, I’m not sure I’d want her to go back there. Those stereotypes about the French and how they treat tourists? That how she describes her experience in Germany as.

          • BakedPenguin on March 12, 2017 at 6:32 pm

            I don’t know if you listen to the YouTuber “Sargon of Akkad”. He’s a Brit who often takes on feminism, SJWs, and politics in the UK, EU, and US. He’s talked a lot about what’s happening in Germany.

          • Hyperion on March 12, 2017 at 6:40 pm

            Yeah, unfortunately, we’re having this type of conversation now. I’m starting to get really paranoid about visiting Europe now. Sad, that it’s come to this. Merkel is a complete moron, in my opinion.

          • Ted S. on March 12, 2017 at 6:43 pm

            I was lucky the first time I went over there as a teen. Everybody seemed impressed with my (reasonable, but certainly not fluent) command of German.

            But the country has really changed over the past quarter-century with the lurch toward green nonsense and SJW-type hysteria.

    • westernsloper on March 12, 2017 at 5:06 pm

      There are 5.5 million Turks living outside the country, with 1.4 million eligible voters in Germany alone – and the Yes campaign is keen to get them on side.

      I am all for duel citizenship, but this always kind of burned me. A dual citizen should only be able to vote in their country of residence IMHO.

      • Ted S. on March 12, 2017 at 5:26 pm

        What weapons do you use in duel citizenship?

        • Gustave Lytton on March 12, 2017 at 5:35 pm

          Paired passports.

        • Swiss Servator on March 12, 2017 at 5:50 pm

          Diebold’s at dawn!

        • westernsloper on March 12, 2017 at 6:04 pm

          Well, I don’t know. I imagine it would be determined by the country of ones birth. A Turk would take one of those curved knife things, an American would take a gun. A German, now days, maybe beer. The Dutch? A bag of weed?

      • Suthenboy on March 12, 2017 at 5:55 pm

        “duel citizenship”

        Are you sure you aren’t John?

        • westernsloper on March 12, 2017 at 6:05 pm

          Ya, that was a John worthy misspell.

        • Hyperion on March 12, 2017 at 6:43 pm

          I think the term in itself is sort of a misnomer. I don’t think most countries care if you have citizenship in another country, and they certainly do not recognize it or give it a term like ‘dual citizenship’.

          • westernsloper on March 12, 2017 at 6:53 pm

            I know quite a few dual citizens. Two passports and everything.

          • Raven Nation on March 12, 2017 at 6:53 pm

            Yo! Technically, it’s kind of at odds with the citizenship process but no one seems to care.

          • Ted S. on March 12, 2017 at 7:11 pm

            I can imagine there being an issue with people being born to parents from two different countries. But there are countries that make you pick one citizenship when you become an adult.

          • Raven Nation on March 12, 2017 at 7:16 pm

            Yeah, when I became a US citizen I forswore all allegiance to any foreign rulers, kings, and potentates. But I still renew my other passport every 10 years and travel on it when I visit there.

      • Raven Nation on March 12, 2017 at 6:53 pm

        My old man had to keep filing petitions explaining why I was NOT voting the first few years I was in the States. Eventually he just asked if he could file a permanent declaration which I was happy to sign. Too far way from an embassy and, after a few years here, I had no idea what was happening back home anyway.

        • Ted S. on March 12, 2017 at 7:10 pm

          You from a country with compulsory voting like Australia or Belgium?

          What a vile idea.

          • Raven Nation on March 12, 2017 at 7:18 pm

            The former. Yeah, when I got here I was irritated by Americans not being required to vote but I couldn’t understand why people didn’t want to vote. I couldn’t wait to vote when I was growing up. Of course, when I got to the US I was the kind of person who would have hated Obama for selling out to his corporate masters.

  14. sloopyinca on March 12, 2017 at 4:23 pm

    The last US attorney who maintained such a high profile in New York was Rudy Giuliani. He managed to trade in his prosecutorial fame for the title of mayor of the City of New York and later, after the 9/11 tragedy, to “America’s mayor.”

    Guiliani left that job in 1989. And sure, it got him some fame because he went after white collar criminals, not after corrupt government officials.

    As for him trading in on his prosecutorial fame post-9/11, that’s retarded as fuck. Nobody outside of New York gave a shit about insider traders he went after. They cared about him staying composed in the face of a horrible tragedy hitting his city.

    • Hyperion on March 12, 2017 at 4:34 pm

      There’s something really creepy about Giuliani. I don’t know what it is. That he’s a NYC politician maybe? Yeah, that’s probably it.

    • thrakkorzog on March 12, 2017 at 4:36 pm

      Giuliani also ‘cleaned up’ NYC. If you told someone in 1985 that Times Square was a family friendly tourist attraction, they would have treated you the same way as if told them the moon was made of cheese.

  15. Vhyrus on March 12, 2017 at 4:41 pm

    Preet Kinda has small hands in that strip. Purely coincidental, I’m sure.

    • westernsloper on March 12, 2017 at 4:46 pm

      It’s not so much his hands are small, it is more that his head is ginormous.

  16. Hyperion on March 12, 2017 at 4:54 pm

    Would anyone be shocked if they find Steve Bannon wondering in the middle of Pennsylvania avenue in his underwear, at midnight, with only a swig left in a quart of vodka? I’m not saying it’s gonna happen, just that I won’t be shocked if it does happen.

    • Vhyrus on March 12, 2017 at 4:57 pm

      I am mildly surprised it hasn’t already happened. My guess is ol Trump has a detachment of secret service keeping tabs on him just in case.

      • The Fusionist on March 12, 2017 at 5:02 pm

        I wouldn’t know, but would you still be walking around if you’d had most of a quart of vodka?

        • Hyperion on March 12, 2017 at 5:07 pm

          You really believe that someone can’t drink that much and be walking around? You’ve apparently been sheltered from the sort of people I’ve been unfortunate enough to be exposed to.

      • Hyperion on March 12, 2017 at 5:03 pm

        Their track record is a little sketchy.

      • thrakkorzog on March 12, 2017 at 5:41 pm

        I don’t think the Secret Service would be the best watchmen for that job.

        • Swiss Servator on March 12, 2017 at 5:52 pm

          Why not? They would probably slug down all the booze and use up all the hookers before Bannon could do a single shot or ask how much for a handy.

    • Ted S. on March 12, 2017 at 5:27 pm

      I’d be shocked. All the vodka I see is sold by the liter, not the quart.

      • Hyperion on March 12, 2017 at 5:56 pm

        Oh, for crikey sake. 1 Quart [Fluid, US] = 946.352946 Milliliters. It’s a fucking quart in Murikan!

        • quincy on March 12, 2017 at 6:02 pm

          The last 54ml really fuck you up.

          • westernsloper on March 12, 2017 at 6:13 pm

            The last 54 ml is what you spill on your shirt when drinking out of a bottle in a paper bag.

          • Ted S. on March 12, 2017 at 6:26 pm

            That’s less than one drink, the way I drink vodka.

          • quincy on March 12, 2017 at 6:48 pm

            It’s true. The first 946ml just wooozily swims by.

          • Hyperion on March 12, 2017 at 6:54 pm

            It just sort of amazes me that anyone believes that no one drinks that much. No European white trash relatives? I had an uncle for who it was a running joke for decades that no one had actually ever seen him without a beer in his hand. From my personal experience, the guy drank all day from waking until passing out. One day he just stopped drinking, cold turkey. I guess 3 decades of beer all day, you get burned out.

          • Ted S. on March 12, 2017 at 7:08 pm

            My first hangover was in Russia. It’s amazing how much people there drank.

            Nowadays, I have a little over a glass of wine at dinner, and on weekend nights I’ll have 3-4oz of vodka on the rocks.

  17. Juvenile Bluster on March 12, 2017 at 5:26 pm

    Was this wrong? Should I not have done this?

    • Hyperion on March 12, 2017 at 5:28 pm

      LOL! I salute you, sir!

    • Old Man With Candy on March 12, 2017 at 5:52 pm

      Holy fuck. That’s great!

    • BakedPenguin on March 12, 2017 at 5:58 pm

      Was this wrong? Should I not have done this?

      Horrible! …you’re a Philly fan?

      The Preet tweet was great.

  18. Hyperion on March 12, 2017 at 5:31 pm

    Behold, Glibertarians! The first peek at TRAPPIST-1, which has now been deemed ‘a very cool neighbor’.

    NEEDZ MOAR PIXELS

    But no worries, the next pics, scheduled for 2030 will feature the new camera, powered by Windows XP.

    • AlmightyJB on March 12, 2017 at 5:39 pm

      Trappist-1 is a Japanese girls vajaja?

      • Hyperion on March 12, 2017 at 6:32 pm

        Well, right at the moment, I have about an equal chance of getting into either. So yeah, I guess it’s like that in a way.

        • AlmightyJB on March 12, 2017 at 7:34 pm

          Lol

  19. Pope Jimbo on March 12, 2017 at 5:33 pm

    Completely OT, but we may have an official liquor store for the Glibertarians.

    The Minnesoda legislature passed a law recently to allow Sunday liquor sales. Gov. Mumbles signed it. The plan was to start selling booze on Sundays in July. Today Jim Surdyk, owner of a liquor store, opened up on Sunday without asking anyone’s permission

    Surdyk did not consult with any authorities before opting to open his store. It was a decision that he claimed was in line with his family’s tradition, dating to a 50-year-old state law that permitted stores to offer discounts on liquor for the first time.

    Even better he stayed open even after the city liquor licensing manager told him to shut it down.

    Truthfully, I haven’t been a big fan of Surdyk’s in the past. Mostly because I lived near there years and years ago when it was a decent neighborhood liquor store. Just as I was moving, they went totally upscale. They put in a cigar shop and a cheese shop. They focused on top of the line booze instead of the regular stuff. They got rid of selling 40’s.

    It worked out for them. I was happy for them, but I was no longer their demographic so we parted ways. Like I said, lots of yuppies from downtown Mpls would cross the river to stock up on their hoity toity alcohol every weekend so Surdyk’s made big $$$.

    After reading this story, I may have to go buy some hooch from him just to support him.

    • Pope Jimbo on March 12, 2017 at 5:40 pm

      Jim Surdyk might be in some trouble though. Minnesoda prosecutors have been dicks in the past over this sort of thing.

      When we passed a medical MJ law a few years back we had the same sort of “waiting period” for some reason. A mother decided to give her son THC oil early and a local prosecutor charged her because she did it before the legal opener.

      http://www.twincities.com/2015/04/16/deal-spares-trial-for-minnesota-mom-who-gave-cannabis-oil-to-son/

      She avoided having to have her son testify in court by accepting a plea bargain.

      • Hyperion on March 12, 2017 at 6:04 pm

        Amazing, not in a good way, that we still have the old blue laws on the books. They killed it off in Indiana more than a decade ago when I still lived there. Not only could you buy alcohol on Sunday, but you could buy it in grocery stores and Walmart. Then I arrived in enlightened Maryland to find that you still cannot buy alcohol on Sunday in Baltimore County and nowhere in the entire state outside of a liquor store.

        • BakedPenguin on March 12, 2017 at 6:09 pm

          Weirdly, I’ve lived in 2 states with similar laws – NH & FL you can buy on Sunday, but only from liquor stores. Beer & Wine anywhere.

          NH has ABC stores while FL has private liquor stores (although one is called ABC).

          • Ted S. on March 12, 2017 at 6:22 pm

            In New York you can buy beer at a grocery store (well, anything under about 6% ABV). Beer and hard alcohol can’t be sold in the same store, so liquor stores are wines and liquors only.

          • Hyperion on March 12, 2017 at 6:23 pm

            In MD, you cannot even buy beer or wine outside of a state licensed liquor store. You can drink it in a bar or restaurant any day of the week, though. It always amuses me when people believe that there are actual legitimate moral arguments for these laws.

          • Juvenile Bluster on March 12, 2017 at 6:31 pm

            They’re currently debating whether to allow liquor sales in grocery stores in FL. You can probably guess (a) the arguments being made against that, and (b) who’s making the arguments.

          • Ted S. on March 12, 2017 at 7:05 pm

            Speaking of grocery stores, as of a few weeks back the two outlets of the supermarket chain I shop at are no longer open 24/7 but only 6AM-11PM (maybe midnight; I can’t recall). I wonder how much of that has to do with the increase in the de jure minimum wage. (The de facto minimum wage is, of course, $0.)

        • SimonD on March 12, 2017 at 7:11 pm

          one thing that’s incorrect. You still can’t buy alcohol in Indiana on Sunday except in a bar/restaurant.

          (fuckers, even bible belt Missouri didn’t do that)

          • Raven Nation on March 12, 2017 at 7:15 pm

            Kansas used to have that rule and the counties which bordered Missouri kept protesting it. Eventually, a bunch of liquor stores in Johnson Co., KS announced they were going to start selling on a Sunday in defiance of the law because they were losing too much money. The state fairly quickly changed the law.

          • trshmnstr on March 12, 2017 at 7:27 pm

            You still can’t buy alcohol in Indiana on Sunday except in a bar/restaurant.

            *Flashes back to working at Marsh and restocking the liquor shelves 10x every Sunday*

    • Gustave Lytton on March 12, 2017 at 5:49 pm

      “I guess maybe [Jim Surdyk] is trying to make a point,” Spaulding said. “But what if he loses his license for a week?”

      Then the good people of Minnesota do what their ancestors did, go down to Wilson’s office, tar and feather the sonnabitch, then run him out of town. Because ultimately Wilson is fucking with them.

      Some stores opposing Sunday sales said it was hard on employees

      Yes. It sure sucks to have more work opportunities available and employ more people. Better to be unemployed and free instead of money and a job.

      • Pope Jimbo on March 12, 2017 at 6:02 pm

        The comments are very depressing. Running at least 4-1 in favor of “the law is the law”

        • Hyperion on March 12, 2017 at 6:11 pm

          It is depressing when you come to the realization that most of your neighbors, who you pass on a walk in the hood several times a week, and who smile and say nice things to you, are sociopathic control freaks who would have you sent off to the gas chambers for doing something harmless that they do not like, in a heartbeat. Libertarians, who care about everyone’s rights, are real outliers.

        • Ted S. on March 12, 2017 at 6:23 pm

          Minnesohhhhhta “Nice” in action.

    • The Fusionist on March 12, 2017 at 6:12 pm

      #NeverthelessHePersisted?

    • The Fusionist on March 12, 2017 at 6:19 pm

      “New laws take effect July 1. I hate to say it, because it’s annoying when used in many contexts…but…”it’s the way they’ve always done it.”

      “Regardless, Surdyks should be heavily fined. Who do they think they are that they can break the existing law, and when told to shut it down….they didn’t? It’s like being told by the police to stop, and then keep running….or…being told to drop your weapon…and not dropping it. We know what happens then, right?

      “A law is a law…regardless if you agree with it.”

      • The Fusionist on March 12, 2017 at 6:26 pm

        “Welcome to the Wild West. I’m an ardent supporter of allowing liquor sales on Sunday, but the law states when it will become effective, so where does Surdyk’s get off saying they’ll start it whenever they want? To answer the question, “Why not?,” because it’s against the law. And if that’s not enough for you, Let me know where you live so I can take your car. I mean, why not?”

        • The Fusionist on March 12, 2017 at 6:29 pm

          “The law takes time to take effect so those stores not currently positioned to compete on Sunday can have some breathing room to figure things out. This guys’ behavior is emblematic of the new “screw government” purported by the Trump administration. People are looking at our president and saying to themselves: “If our president can break all the rules and suffer no consequences, then why can’t I?”.”

          • Pope Jimbo on March 12, 2017 at 6:34 pm

            “Surdyk a hero? Not by a long shot. He’s one of those lawbreakers who thinks it is funny to do things like this. I agree, fine him heavily!!”

      • Pope Jimbo on March 12, 2017 at 6:33 pm

        You chose one of my favorites. The one where they compare two people conducting a transaction that makes them both happy with not dropping a weapon.

        Like Hyperion says, it is depressing that the comments aren’t 100% “Yay”

      • Pope Jimbo on March 12, 2017 at 6:38 pm

        Little ray of hope? These three comments in a row.

        “What is the point of waiting until July? And what will the damage of Surdyk’s being open today cause? Just more tax revenue being created with the sales and knowing Minnesota, there must be more than a few law makers already licking their chops.”

        “We don’t get to decide if there’s any damage or if we don’t want to wait – the legislature does. They said it doesn’t take effect until July, so it’s still illegal.”

        “Yikes! If we rely on the legislature to decide what is right or wrong we are in a world of hurt. Remember, the legislature works for us. It is fun seeing this owner being a free spirit!”

        • Agent Cooper on March 13, 2017 at 12:39 am

          It is fun seeing this owner being a free spirit!”

          *narrows gaze*

    • Left Hand of Radar on March 12, 2017 at 6:19 pm

      Yeah, Surdyk’s is a little “hoity-toity” for my taste. Also, they seem to keep the “cheese that smells like feet” right at the front. Passing it tends to put me off my sauce.

      • Old Man With Candy on March 12, 2017 at 6:23 pm

        “A great cheese ought to offend at least two of the senses.”

      • Pope Jimbo on March 12, 2017 at 6:29 pm

        My beef with Surdyk’s in in 89 or so I lived close by and it was a normal neighborhood liquor store. Then I moved away to finish school and when I got back all the insufferable yuppies I knew loved the place. When I went in looking for a cheap 40 to go fishing on the river with and they no longer sold them, I was done with them.

        This though might bring me back in.

        By the way Lefty, where you at here? Tundra and I are Maple Grove boys.

        • Ted S. on March 12, 2017 at 6:58 pm

          The last couple of times I’ve been at the liquor story I regularly shop at, they’ve been out of the cheap Aussie Shiraz I like, and now what they have is $2 a bottle more.

          But why would you want to buy malt liquor? Eww.

          Oh, and apparently Zima may be coming back to the US.

        • Left Hand of Radar on March 12, 2017 at 8:21 pm

          OMWC: South Minneapolis on Nicollet. I get my booze from Franklin Nicollet Liquor.

          • Left Hand of Radar on March 12, 2017 at 8:22 pm

            I’m sorry, that was meant for Pope Jimbo.

    • westernsloper on March 12, 2017 at 6:24 pm

      Gov. Mumbles signed it.

      That is the best name ever for a politician.

      Blue laws piss me off. When I lived in FL we had to drive to the next county to buy beer. At that time about four blocks. Young folk don’t plan ahead.

      They changed the time you can buy liquor here from 0600 to 0800 last year maybe. I am not sure what that accomplishes.

      • Pope Jimbo on March 12, 2017 at 6:31 pm

        I think Tundra may have been the first to call him Gov. Mumbles. So credit to where it is due.

        If you ever listened to Dayton live, you would swear he is on a 3 day bender. Seriously, the press does him a favor when they just show the cleaned up transcripts of what he said instead of showing him talking.

        • westernsloper on March 12, 2017 at 6:42 pm

          Ha…….I Actually thought his name was Mumbles. I have no idea what the name of the Gov of Minnesoda is.

          But then again I typed “duel citizenship” up there^, but I blame that on my drinking on a Sunday.

  20. AlmightyJB on March 12, 2017 at 5:48 pm

    Home computer learning can’t come soon enough.

    http://hotair.com/archives/2017/03/12/new-york-to-scrap-literacy-test-for-teachers-guess-why/

    • Heroic Mulatto on March 12, 2017 at 6:17 pm

      It’s here.

      • AlmightyJB on March 12, 2017 at 7:18 pm

        I posted this the other day about the Ohio DOE changing the funding rules in order to screw e-schools.

        https://www.usnews.com/news/best-states/ohio/articles/2017-03-09/ohio-auditor-to-probe-if-e-schools-can-track-learning-time

        • Heroic Mulatto on March 12, 2017 at 7:25 pm

          Leave it to a state board of education to march 180 degrees away from sound pedagogical theory like competency-based learning. In which mastery, as opposed to instructional time, is what matters.

          • AlmightyJB on March 12, 2017 at 7:35 pm

            Yeah, well we already knew that education is not state BOEs main concern.

    • Hyperion on March 12, 2017 at 6:19 pm

      It’s way past due. And completely viable, right now, today. Entrenched special interests do not give up their sacred cows easily though, as we all know so well.

    • Juvenile Bluster on March 12, 2017 at 6:44 pm

      This is obviously why public schools need more money, and why Betsy DeVos is so very terrible.

    • westernsloper on March 12, 2017 at 7:10 pm

      Early SAT exams included questions in the English portion such as challenges to complete a phrase like “cup and blank.” The choices which were offered included the “correct” answer of “saucer” as well as other choices like plate, spoon or table. That’s problematic in the modern era because the majority of people in lower to middle class households no longer engage in the tradition of High Tea and don’t actually put cups on saucers.

      I admit I would not have answered that question correctly since “my balls” was not one of the choices. Which is something I always asked of others at High Tea. I have only been asked to High Tea once.

  21. DEG on March 12, 2017 at 5:56 pm

    When I read the reporter’s dialog aloud, I am reminded of North Korean broadcasters.

    • BakedPenguin on March 12, 2017 at 6:00 pm

      Beloved former President approves.

      • Hyperion on March 12, 2017 at 6:13 pm

        Isn’t there something that beloved former president and beloved popular vote president can do? Maybe an alliance with McCain, Graham, and Preet?

        • BakedPenguin on March 12, 2017 at 6:23 pm

          A union made in hell.

          • Ted S. on March 12, 2017 at 7:02 pm

            Wouldn’t that be AFSCME?

          • BakedPenguin on March 12, 2017 at 7:24 pm

            There can be more than one!

  22. DenverJ on March 12, 2017 at 8:06 pm

    Love the cartoons, bra, but for me to read them on my phone I have to “open this image” so I can zoom enough to read the dialogue.
    Could you make the whole panel one image instead of multiple ones?

    Anywhoose, keep up the good work. I, too, liked the wood chipper reference.

  23. bacon-magic on March 13, 2017 at 1:56 pm

    Awesome.

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