Still recovering from Jesse’s “ministrations” during the bender. Leaving everyone with this month’s Teen Vogue parody cover and empty links to play in. Special thanks to Mad Libertarian Woman for her awesomely believable work.
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Mammalian lordosis.
https://www.upi.com/Science_News/2017/10/25/Its-science-Men-women-both-attracted-to-arched-backs/9471508951678/?utm_source=fp&utm_campaign=ts_pi&utm_medium=16
That’s some research I can get behind.
Heyooo!
I don’t have anything against an arched back, but I like some of the other parts, too.
Arched in which direction?
This man asks the important questions.
If it’s not to the left, it’s problematic.
/everydayfeminism
High heels may benefit the arched back, but their main purpose is to lift the buttocks up and make the A in T&A more presentable.
Also can be used as control levers, if you will, when the mood strikes.
I had an ex that laughed/loved when I referred to them as “fuck handles”
They also improve the look of the calf muscles, make the legs look longer, and make the feet look smaller.
Truly, with yoga pants and beer, proof that God loves us.
Mandrake, do you recall what Clemenceau once said about shitposting? He said shitposting was too important to be left to the autists. When he said that, 50 years ago, he might have been right. But today, shitposting is too important to be left to the mods. They have neither the time, the training, nor the inclination for weaponized autism. I can no longer sit back and allow normie infiltration, normie indoctrination, normie subversion and the international normie conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious dank memes.
Golf clap.
+1 Shitpost Gap?
Outstanding. And believable!
I looked at the picture before reading the text and was a hundred percent sure it was a real cover.
Ditto.
I did the same last time.
^This. Thanks, MLW!
Yep. Another good cover MLW!
Agreed. Masterful work!
Nothing about how to pull a train at a rainbow party in that issue?
Also, love the cover MLW!
There are those who like boobs, and there are Communists. Which are you?
http://archive.is/2MjRM
Jesse’s a Communist?
Even gay men and straight women like boobs. It is known. Unless they’re Communists. QED.
I think you might be surprised.
Surprised at how much he likes boobs, or that he’s a Communist?
Breasts from each according to their ability, breasts to each according to their needs!
I have special needs!
You get special needs boobs then!
Holy shit, I feel bad for this. Seriously, I’m going to go to an Assholes Anonymous meeting this rock bottom story will be the winner by far.
Jimbo, you’re my kind of sick, perverted, weirdo. *clinks beer mug*
I’m disappointed in the rest of you that you let that setup sit there for over two hours!
*stands at attention and sings the Internationale*
Now that’s a euphemism.
So how does that work? The more talented you are, the smaller the breasts you get? I don’t like that at all.
*runs home*
You’re not actually supposed to think about how things like that actually work out, you’re just supposed to feel like they will work out in a way that is just and right and then murder anyone who doesn’t think it’s a good idea.
I shouldn’t have to explain the basics to you, RBS. I am disappointed.
Apologies Comrade, I have failed as a New Soviet Man.
Just stay home and wait for the icepick.
Hey now, don’t under-rate a beautiful ass. Grab it, give it a spank or two. Wayyyy more multi use than boobs
Agree to disagree…. commie.
I guess I’m also a commie.
Fascist. You probably even like the rocket shaped boobs from the 50s don’t you.
Is that where the Oedipus complex comes from?
Hell yes.
Liftoff and separation!
I must agree with my comrade here.
Ass for the win.
You know who boob people are? Naive teenagers who don’t know no better. I once was a boob man, then I grew the fuck up.
Woah man…take it down a notch. I appreciate the posterior and the headlights
Serious topics create passionate responses.
Them’s fightin’ words.
*drops gloves*
*tunes in Tokyo*
Lay down on the couch. Tell me about your childhood. You’re in a safe space now.
You don’t scare me. I’ve seen Ms pacman chew u up and do it you out bookman.
Don’t know why auto correct change “spit you” to “do it”.
That’s it, you’re in time out. The rage is consuming your ability to spell
*Archie heads upstairs and toilet flushes*
But but but dad, I didn’t start it. It was that blue jerk that threw the first punch
You’re all commies! We’re going full McCarthy over here! Subpoenas to follow…
Boys, boys, there’s no need to quibble.
I like women. Well, I like to look at them. When I start thinking about what it would take to get them between sheets I get tired. Real tired. I better stick with my wife whom I love and am very comfortable with.
What does that make me?
Old?
Happy?
But, yeah, I’m 100% with you. Love beautiful women and playing the Q challenge, but after more than 25 years, Mrs. Tundra still does it for me.
#metoo
Dude, get your own.
You got served
Heh.
I got married late (43). But, my wife is easily the best thing to happen to me.
Pretty woman are fun to look at. That’s about it. Definitely not worth ruining anything with my fantastic Filipina. Besides, I had plenty of fun in my 20s & 30s.
hear hear!
…after more than 25 years, Mrs. Tundra still does it for me.
30 years this November for me. My wife’s the best thing that ever happened to me.
Not sure…. maybe a constitutional monarchist? I’ll have to check with my supervisor.
A dog owner?
43. Dogs never want foot-rubs.
My avatar and his predecessor would both call bull-shit on this. They did not like getting their nails done, though.
My golden retriever likes when you scratch and rub her front paws.
Lazy? Introverted maybe? Content?
It blows my mind when I hear of people juggling a girlfriend and wife at the same time. Wayyyy to much effort.
I think I could have managed that in my twenties before I had any real responsibilities. At this point, if something like that were to happen the gf would have to be another married person. That way we both have skin in the game.
*re-reads*
I may have revealed too much…
That actually is quite reasonable. You have clearly thought this through.
—sends anonymous letter to RBS threatening to tell his wife unless he pays up–
No shit. Last thing I can think of as “fun” is dealing with one more woman. I can see where the ‘the prostitute gets paid to go away’ can get added ‘not talk/not share/not bring any baggage’.
What does that make me?
Smart. And old. But mainly smart.
25 and 29.
Better dead than red!
And 11.
As long as all three don’t have ink.
Friends, Glibs, fellows misanthropes… why must we choose? Can it not be the case that both T AND A are good? Can we not choose not-to-choose between these two wonderful things? It is not an either/or proposition, both are worth of our love and admiration. Choose both, chose “Unity-and-A”.
I agree good sir.
T or A for thee; both for me.
Preach on brother!
AMEN.
Winner.
You’re interrupting a perfectly good witch hunt with reasonableness. Commie.
You’re interrupting a perfectly good witch hunt with reasonableness. Commie.
Sounds more like a libertarian to me.
We are mostly libertarian. Purge first, then… nothing because we were too busy purging the almost, but not quite pure enough!
The genius of the “and” rather than the tyranny of the “or.”
You are correct. This is also why the answer is orgy.
But no toe suckers right? We are going to exclude those foot freaks, or I am out!
#20 is a libertarian!
I want to aggression her.
You want to NAP violate her?
Aggressively like but in a gentle manner.
#16. Holy keschmoly.
I think 19 likes me.
Don’t fall for it, once she gets a green card she’s gone.
We’ll see.
*puts ICE on speed-dial*
You say that like it’s a bad thing.
https://twitter.com/Dorcohen94/status/923620313941733376
So VICE is covering some pretty hard hitting stuff
Is that chick on the right the daughter from Californication?
Quick, somebody summon up the spirit of Harry Browne and have him impersonate Marx’s spirit. “Communists all go to hell” or something.
They’re doing it Live, eh?
I wonder what the ratio of hate watchers to regular viewers is.
FUCK IT – WE’LL DO IT LIVE!!!!!!
Where did all of these fucking commies come from? Why dont they summon Stalin. That is who they really want anyway.
hahahahahaha
I guess they’ve decided to stop even trying to be a serious news organization.
Vice went to pot a long time ago. It’s now pretty much indistinguishable from any other moronic SJW site.
Glorious parody, by the way. To the extent that something that disturbingly accurate can be glorious, I guess.
Today, in sportsball:
“Waiter: MLB catcher Bruce Maxwell made up story about service refusal over anthem protest”
http://www.foxnews.com/food-drink/2017/10/25/waiter-mlb-catcher-bruce-maxwell-made-up-story-about-service-refusal-over-anthem-protest.html
The internet makes it easy to lie, but it makes it even easier to catch someone lying.
WHOOPS
What a couple of jerk offs that A’s player and councilmen are.
They’re all going to milk this stupid race bull shit for all it’s worth.
Didn’t Bennett of the Seahawks have egg thrown on his lying face too?
Sounds legit to me – I’m not an A’s fan, but I watch a shitload of baseball and I had never heard the name Bruce Maxwell in my life. Couldn’t pick him out of a lineup if my life depended on it.
I am an A’s fan, and I couldn’t pick any of their players out of lineup.
Sadly I’m obsessed enough to know him. When you play in a Sim league you end up knowing every catcher that’s had a productive offensive season, even if it’s only 100 odd PAs like Maxwell had last year (2016).
1MM read the first story, 100K read the correction.
I love even when caught they ‘stand by’ their lies.
More like stand behind a “no comment”
“The pro-baseball rookie also claimed to TMZ that he was racially profiled by the server, of which Henry vehemently denies.”
I’m glad he’s pro-baseball, since he plays it professionally.
Ha, I see what you did there. Clever
Took me a minute to get t though
Guy who gets paid millions to play a game shits on guy just trying to make ends meet, working in front of house. Wonder why nobody takes these guys seriously?
Jesse’s links were better.
BACON WILL NOT DIVIDE US!
*whispers* thanks bacon! *slips bacon $5*
Thanks!
*pockets 4th $5 tip today*
Fi dolla make u holla?
I’m not (insert word here cuz it’s funnier when you glibs “insert” it), but $5 is $5.
You get paid to do the wild thing?
Errrrbody loves bacon. Even my (((homies))).
He gets paid to leave.
You dog ugly Bobarian
You need a flag for that Jesse
Do you have a flag?
Was this necessary?
Shouldn’t you be working?
I know I am but what are you?
Getting paid while pretending to work, how bout dat poppet?
https://reason.com/blog/2017/10/26/are-libertarian-friends-the-key-to-fixin
Decent article from TOS by KMW. Basically, she says people should befriend libertarians to make politics more sane. The only problem is that no one wants to be friends with Nick Gillespie
people should befriend glibertarians to make politics more sane
I’m not sure if sanity should be what our brand is selling, you know? Although we here see no problem with private schools teaching the dangers of Sasquatch rape, it’s a hard message to get across. That, and the fact that I’m pretty sure most of us are drunk and naked most of the time.
“That, and the fact that I’m pretty sure most of us are drunk and naked most of the time.”
Well…yeah.
Speak for yourselves, I’m either mostly drunk while naked or mostly naked while drunk, everything in moderation.. everything in moderation.
Nick Gillespie is the Harvey Weinstein of libertarianism.
Ouch!
Except he has no power to hang over people. He probably gets invited up to Charles Koch’s hotel room.
Are you sure it’s not The Jacket that is the Harvey Weinstein of libertarianism?
I thought we were all antisocial shut-ins?
Or is that just me?
Another lefty publication playing CYA?
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/columnists/kass/ct-met-trump-dossier-clinton-kass-1026-story.html
John Kass is worthy of replacing Mike Royko’s column
Is that Teen Vogue cover for real?
No.
Do you even read?
Google translate has trouble with Canucki…hard to recreate crayon font.
Someone didn’t read the links
Rufus is too busy working to read.
We all miss things like this sometimes.
And by “we all”, I mean me.
Tsk, tsk, Rufus.
Haha! I sped read like a douche because guess what?!?
I’M WORKING!
Peak rush around here. So try not to make me laugh or cry please.
We all know those kids are tied to a Maypole and enacting your monocle polishing labor hoser.
Rufus’ Maypole just might be a euphemism.
sped read like a douche
Were you BLINDED BY THE LIGHT??
*concert applause*
????
You work?
This is my favorite reaction. I strive for believability. If I can fool people, I’m winning.
Huh. Small world.
That was pretty much my entire attitude towards dating the opposite sex during University.
Sexual Assault Complaint incoming.
They are certainly believable, the two I’ve seen anyway.
Nice work.
It is good. It had me going for a bit.
Nothing left to cut.
Minot, N.D. — The U.S. Air Force says its tweet declaring Santa Claus “isn’t real” was just a bluff, part of a threat to steal Christmas from two feuding bases.
I guess combat readiness falls below Santa on their priority list?
How do you steal…. oh, never mind.
I want everyone to know, that while I never worked this, I have set up the call center at Peterson AFB. Kids seriously do call NORAD to find out where Santa Claus.
Then you drone strike them?
Hey now I was just an electrician…my actions enabled others to conduct drone strikes.
everyone knows Santa is just Odin from when the pagans first celebrated Winter Solstice. right? all you heathens already knew that, right?
THAT’S NOT WHAT MY MOM TOLD ME!
*begins uncontrollably sobbing*
https://hotair.com/archives/2017/10/26/protesters-disrupted-college-republican-meeting-issue-statement-awful/
These college protesters write like Robbie….wait….are they the same people?
I have said it before, that is the rational for gulags and firing squads – people who disagree politically are worthy of violence. The left is always the same everywhere and always. These people would round people like us up in the blink of an eye and in their minds it would be justified.
That one actually seems less insane than some I have seen. The grammar is ok and she doesnt break random words in pieces with commas or parenthesis or add bizarre prefixes/suffixes with punctuation.
To get back at Robbie, I say we shun him in the gulags.
Robby’ll get put up against a wall before any of us. He’s immediately in their orbit. He’s easy pickings.
Liberals get the bullet too.
Twitter bans ads from RT, Sputnik.
The San Francisco company also plans to donate proceeds from RT, formally known as Russia Today, and Sputnik ads to support outside research on Twitter use in civic engagement and elections. This amounts to $1.9 million the company expects to have earned since 2011.
Do people actually buy the stock for this company?
But, China’s state news channel is totes fine, because nonsense!
And the totally real DPRK News Service twitter feed!
That’s just hilarious
I get that less than I get Tesla. I mean, Tesla actually has a product that they sell for money, and hypothetically if they can ramp up production they’ll be able to sell more product and one day, just maybe, make a profit. I mean, how hard would you have laughed if I told you in 1997 what Amazon.com would be in 2017?
Twitter has… what exactly?
They COULD have had something.
But they let progressives run it, and therefore, ruin it. Just like Facebook and the NFL.
You can’t turn a company that loses money on each unit it manufactures into a profitable company by ramping up volume.
What? I was told you can make it up in volume.
Today: no sales. Tomorrow: twice as many!
To be pedantic, you can where there are economies of scale. Whether this is the case for Tesla I’m not sure. I am however inclined to buy a used Tesla presuming I can get aftermarket parts.
Actually, by spreading fixed costs over more units,you can be profitable by selling more units, even if the smaller initial volumes were sold at a loss.
It’s a great way to get immediate customer service from companies versus sitting on hold for an agent. That’s the only reason I use it. And to do contests.
Explain to me how this works, my hatred of waiting on CSRs may make it worthwhile to learn.
Send a direct message (DM, not visible to the public) to @Companythatfuckedup, with your account # & whatever your problem is. You might just send a message without your account/personal information first and see if they’ll help prior to doing so. Most companies seem to have social media teams that are more responsive/knowledgable/gives correct answers than the average CSR.
Last time I used Twitter was getting rebooked after missing a flight (thanks SFO fake TSA!). My connecting flight was on a different airline, but the first flight was boarding right then. Didn’t have time to call. Dm’d the second airline asking them to add my frequent flyer# and assign an aisle seat in the front. Also didn’t have the reservation #, just the flight number. Before the door closed, I had my seat assignment and reservation# so I could check in online and get my boarding pass without having to stop at an agent at the connecting airport.
I hate social media.
Do people actually buy the stock for this company?
Short sale FTW.
I was told this would stop with Confederate Generals! It’s almost as if they’re mendacious cunts…
http://nypost.com/2017/10/26/teddy-roosevelt-statue-doused-in-red-paint/
“History is hard. Everyone is a confederate general. Also, Abraham Lincoln owned slaves (http://dailysignal.com/2017/10/24/university-of-wisconsin-students-protest-abraham-lincoln-statue-because-he-owned-slaves/)!”
If you do that to a statue of Martin Luther King, it’s a hate crime.
But he was a Christian, Republican, gun owner.
The statue in the MLK memorial in DC that depicts him as a grumpy Chinaman is already a hate crime.
So much this. Took some relatives from India to see D.C. a year or two ago. “who’s the chinky guy? “
Well, it was done by a Chinese guy, and installed during the reign of a crYpto- Maoist. What do you expect?
TR was an overweening asshole.
This is entirely true.
—-Boston Globe
https://www.bostonglobe.com/metro/2017/10/24/roxbury-dudley-dough-fair-wage-pizza-shop-close-its-doors/Mes9SKvvaKAHdHX7JHPXDI/story.html
Just for the record, I’m looking at it as a failure.
I bet they went to a bank to see if they could get a loan.
I bet the bank wouldn’t lend without some major collateral and some ironclad signatures–because they were looking at it as a failure.
I don’t mean to seem pessimistic. I’m generally a pretty class half-full kind of guy. But when your business model fails despite people donating hundreds of thousands of dollars for free?
That’s a failure. It just is.
This wasn’t supposed to be a reply to anything. It was supposed to be a freestanding comment.
But, you know, where it landed is kind of ironic and unusual.
Now I know what it feels like to be the anti-Brooks. His comments always go to the bottom of the page.
Maybe mind will now always be in reply to someone else–regardless of where you’d expect it!
Gilmore’d.
He a class half-full.
Nonprofit? You don’t say!
Is that BBQ place at the MB mall still there–the one that was owned by Luke Walton?
That place runs on that kind of principle. I think they only hire kids in high risk of gang activity or whatever, the food there was fantastic, and the line was always long.
They used to have a brisket and Gouda sandwich that was out of this world.
It was tri-tip, it was Joey’s Smokin’ BBQ, and I guess it’s closed.
It’s still there. There was some franchise issue where they didn’t want to be associated with the one in Torrance, so they changed names to Johnny Memphis. Luke is still a minority owner, but the place always seems to be empty except when Fry’s lets out for lunch break.
Oh, and the beef ribs are great on Friday and Saturday nights. Other times, they’re reheated leftovers.
If it’s this place, it apparently still exists.
Tri-tip and gouda sammich?
I’d create an alternate timeline if I could marry that.
I figured you were just being an overweening asshole, too. :-p
Oh snap. Good one.
*hands Ted a glass of milk*
You earned it today.
So what you are saying is that in order to run a razor-thin margin business like a commodity food restaurant AND provide retarded above-market wages, you have to receive an outside subsidy?!?!? Color me shocked.
But don’t worry people, the reason pizza workers get $8.50 an hour is corporate greed.
I can show six years of profit and solid, stable revenues and the bank wanted me to put my HOUSE up as collateral.
As for the pizza place, it takes a special kind of economic illiterate to believe their model could work.
Talk about being irresponsible to your employees.
Exactly how much equity is there in an igloo?
I know, would these people rather have a job indefinitely, or an overpaid job for 6 months?
And the metastatic genesis of our progressive cancer. Fuck him for splitting the party and fuck him for the progressive era.
Elizabeth Warren sexual harassment update…
http://www.wrko.com/articles/columns/kuhners-corner-elizabeth-warren-lied-about-being-sexually-harassed
#MeToo
You were sexually harassed by Senator Warren?
How do they say it….
“It’s my truth.”
I say we spread that rumor.
“I was a baby law professor and so excited to have my first real teaching job and there was a senior faculty member who would tell dirty jokes and make comments about my appearance,” she said. “And one day he asked me if I would stop by his office, which I didn’t think much about, and I did, and he slammed the door and lunged for me. It was like a bad cartoon. He’s chasing me around the desk trying to get his hands on me and I kept saying ‘You don’t want to do this. You don’t want to do this. I have little children at home. Please don’t do this.’”
She added: “And trying to talk calmly, and at the same time what was flickering through my brain is, if he gets hold of me, I’m gonna punch him right in the face.”
Her claim is like a cartoon. I pictured Yosemite Sam chasing her around the desk.
Seriously, the woman has problems and anyone who believes this has got to smarten UP.
I never thought this would happen to me but….
Worst Penthouse Forum letter ever.
” I pictured Yosemite Sam chasing her around the desk.”
Well there ya’ go. That’s why he couldn’t catch her. Those stumpy little legs. Ok, now I believe it.
I found footage of the incident…
Shit. Well that was supposed to be a Benny Hill chase scene.
I do enjoy the secretary. 3/5 boners.
So, some sort of compromise, then?
That woman didn’t look like a prepubescent boy.
She was going to punch a cripple?
So, after Warren’s treatment, #ProfessorSmithToo?
She forgot to mention the shattered glass coffee table….
I’M SHOCKED!!!!
ok…not really.
Liawatha Warren.
It’s okay, she can just take it back later.
She’s smart enough to slander a man who can’t defend himself, but she’s dumb enough to slander one she eulogized.
Ladies, gentlemen, and other: the senior Senator from Massachusetts.
Gotta watch those men with polio. They will rape you in a new York minute
So we have a war on opioids now. I’m not sure how this isn’t just part of the war on drugs, but whatever.
What’s the over/under on how long until the DEA busts into an 80 year old grandmother’s house because of her pain medication prescription and they “accidentally” shoot her?
Oh, I’m 100% certain that it’s already happened. More than once.
It’s the kind of thing Reason used to cover.
That was when they had Balko before his TDS.
They haven’t done that already?
That would probably resolve her pain issues.
“We prescribed her a single dose of copper jacketed lead, taken internally. Her pain instantly stopped.”
“The medications proceeded to be within the interior of the suspect.”
I heard it described as now calling it an epidemic allows the government to “allocate additional resources to combat it.”
So yeah…more beating up little old ladies.
And get to mine big data for the possibility that someone might refill their prescription too early.
I was out for lunch minding my own business at the local sandwich shop and Trump was on the teevee giving a speech about this war on opioids over the banner headline “advocating use of nonaddictive painkillers” or somesuch.
ie — painkillers that don’t work.
Already happened
https://twitter.com/asiancrackbaby/status/922615144055582720
Sounds legit.
Why just October?
Certainly sounds like something an Asian crack baby would say.
Weren’t we supposed to have an epidemic of uncontrollable crack babies that would be in their early 20s by now? Where’s the epidemic?
The out real is called “Millennials”
*Flees room, cackling*
Maybe the Edit Fairy can help you out?
Special thanks to Mad Libertarian Woman for her awesomely believable work.
I still choose to believe it.
“Woman Assaulted By Celebrity Just Needs To Sit Tight For 40 Years Until Dozens More Women Corroborate Story”
https://www.theonion.com/woman-assaulted-by-celebrity-just-needs-to-sit-tight-fo-1819578023
The joke is that the link actually goes to WaPo!
Also, Abraham Lincoln owned slaves
Let’s see- Commander-in-chief of a conscripted army… I’ll allow it.
Ok, you got that on a technicality. Pretty sure the protesters aren’t arguing that, but I award you one point
Some idiot asks stupid fucking question
Best response:
GOP: *has very bad idea*
SANE PEOPLE: no.
TRUMP: *tweets fart noises*
SANE PEOPLE: wtf
DEMS: actually it’s not that bad
SANE PEOPLE: kill me
Props for not deleting the tweet tho.
Hillary would still be insisting that she’s right 6 months from now.
Fuck off Dave. It’s my money, not yours.
did Burge’s relentless mockery finally get to someone?
Yeah, but I think it was some of the replies to Burge’s tweet that really drove the point home.
“Technically” correct is the best kind.
Guards! Bring me the forms I need to have P Brooks taken away.
“2017: the year people forgot how a vagina works.”
https://twitter.com/AlizeeYeezy/status/923472593168011264
Wasp nests!?
I’m gonna need to perform several tests on several different specimens to make sure I understand how to use them properly.
https://twitter.com/nytimes/status/923253340686962690
I usually have to travel to NYC at least once a year for work. Last year, as I went to board the plane I reached to grab a complimentary Wall Street Journal and I accidentally picked up a New York Times which was mistakenly put in the Wall Street Journal stack. As I walked, I glanced down at the paper and saw my error. I audibly exclaimed “ill” as I dropped it and went back to grab the Wall Street Journal. My co-worker thought it was funny.
Articles like this from the New York Times is why I exclaimed “ill”.
So clever. So brave. We can all learn a lot from 2nd graders.
(actually, we can, but not in the way that they think)
And today in “Shit That Never Happened” news……
Possibly. That said, given how much basic rationality has been under assault from pop culture and ostensibly educated progressives, would you really be that surprised if any of it turned out to be true?
Oh… the “voice of the resistance” thing just reminded me….
I finally figured out who the “Resist” bumper sticker belongs to in the parking lot of my youngest kid’s school.
My wife and I had a good laugh over it.
Was there a point here where we are let in on the joke?
Sorry, was distracted.
It was the obvious trophy wife who can’t drop her kids off at school without a gallon of makeup and yoga pants that show gap and cameltoe. You know, a super feminist.
Pics?
Mmmmmmm yoga pants.
Did someone say yoga pants?
http://archive.is/ogp9B
I love you Q.
Take that anyway you want as long as you keep posting these.
XXOO
Sweet jesus!
7 would get me back on the golf course.
41 is just… damn…
Look up her trick shot videos. Jeez luiz. Mother may I.
I choose you, #37.
Excellent.
For those who don’t have kids, the trophy wife in makeup and yoga pants is a real thing at pickup/dropoff time.
I’ve ranted at Reason about it a couple of times. It isn’t as obvious now that yoga pants are ubiquitous, but a decade ago it was crazy obnoxious. A bunch of the moms would get out of their Range Rovers while waiting…. and have to inexplicably bend over and otherwise pose for me and the other dads, hoping to catch our eye so they could look offended that we were watching their weird burlesque.
I know exactly what you mean. I’ve been on the receiving end of those faux-annoyed looks. Birch, if you didn’t want the looks you wouldn’t wear yoga pants and a racerback tank top to the fuckin’ elementary school.
The sticker was in fact on a Defender.
I’m sure she has a subscription to Teen Vogue.
Well….? WHO?
You want the good stuff? The purest distillation of Top Manism, the stuff with an astronomical street value? Talk to me, baby, I got what you’re looking for.
Went to NYC a couple summers ago for one of Jeter’s last games. As we exited a famous deli where we paid 20 dollars for a sandwich, the aroma of the 4 foot high pile of garbage bags washed over us. My brother glanced down at the street, and said “Bolivia has better roads then this city”
If I was alone in a room with Kate Hudson, I’d be sorely tempted to fondle her ass. But- Elizabeth Warren? Nope.
“Day Of The Dead cancelled: Outbreak of the plague has forced authorities in Madagascar to warn residents not to exhume bodies of dead loved ones and dance with them”
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5018793/Plague-alert-Madagascars-dance-dead.html
Dammit, I can almost never infect Madagascar and this disease decides to start there. Totally unfair.
If that is a pandemic reference I think I may have to marry you.
Hold on now, the plague is caused by bacteria, not viruses; so back off.
You know, I’ve already officiated one Glib wedding…
When she wakes up she’s going to be sooooo happy! Thanks Jesse!
*hands Jesse a $5*
I think we need a special prosecutor for this kind of money laundering.
*palms $5 to Q*
Are you sure about that, brother?
There will be a $5 fee to process the special prosecutor request.
*gets $5 back*
Can I get change for a $20?
Sure.
*takes $20 and gives back chump change*
*licks window*
Thanks!
Wait, you’re THAT Reverend Jesse?
Jesse is far too mild-mannered for shakedowns.
I always start in Madagascar, looks like I win.
always start in Iceland, hope a ship hits ‘Gascar
Watch out for that kuru also.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kuru_(disease)
Filipinos have picnics (and sometimes camp out) on the graves of their loved ones on All Saints’ Day.
My girlfriend was telling me about this and I was gagging. I thought you couldn’t get worse than Italians picnicking in the catacombs, but her descriptions convinced me that the Filipinos surpassed us.
Nose picking masturbator terrorizes New York.
http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/Subway-Sex-Crime-Suspect-NYPD-Police-Photo-453307623.html
Not much to add to that headline.
Mark Halperin is a public menace.
/zing!
Picking his nose???? Gross.
Now this is a guy that I think has a legitimate shot at taking on statist and non-libertarian Jared Polis in CO next year and winning, if he runs. No more catering to squishes, and a conviction politics race from top-to-bottom.
It was the obvious trophy wife who can’t drop her kids off at school without a gallon of makeup and yoga pants that show gap and cameltoe
Somebody should tell her the makeup isn’t really necessary.
Another example of headline not accurately reflecting the story itself.
Headline: George H.W. Bush apologizes after actress accuses him of groping
Lede:
she didn’t even say, “he groped me”. She said he ‘sexually assaulted’ her. “”The Instagram post, since deleted, carried the “MeToo” social media hashtag””
I think there is a better way to respond to these people.
The so-called joke was a play on the adage “one in the hand versus two in the bush” as a play on his name which the moron in-question interpreted as a dirty.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fisting
NSFW, obviously.
TWO LINKS!?! What sorcery is this?
Patience is all that is required.
Maybe he couldn’t reach higher than her ass? He is in a wheelchair for Christ’s sake.
Yeah, it was pretty obvious from the example photo that he was using humor to diffuse the obvious difficulty in posing with standing women while sitting in a wheelchair.
But what are ya gonna do? Some people are going to be offended no matter what. Usually entirely unrelated to their moral compass as well.
Our office had a serially offended woman who was the “reporter to HR in chief”. She ran to HR with every off color comment she could lay her ears on… piously displaying her bible on her desk.
Then I was working in her area late one night and overheard her conversation with a friend. It seems she had 3 kids by 3 different men and had never been married. But she was offended by hearing someone complement another woman’s new suite. Somehow I don’t think she was ever truly offended. More that she was just enjoying having a little power.
Between the W Senior story and Warren’s story, this is practically Sexual Assualter in a Wheelchair Day. Next up Larry Flynt and Dr. Strangelove
Anyone know Stephen Hawking’s whereabouts?
Flat out defamation. False accusations of criminal acts even have punitive damages.
All this manic mental idiocy on display from BLM to kneeling to #metoo enables the nut jobs and flakes.
Yeah, I guess I deserve that.
/Jeff Flake
Koskinen out at the IRS.
Still hope for now ACA penalty this year!
drain the swamp! drain the swamp!
It’s a crime that wasn’t done sooner.
That statement from the UC Santa Cruz people is a wonderful case study in the extreme-Projection of SJW progressives.
pretty much every single thing they accuse their ‘enemies’ of, is something they think they have a right (or an obligation) to do. It always amounts to nothing more but “but we’re The Good People, so its different”
Poe’s law applies: it could very well be a parody, or it could be the real thing. there is no way to actually tell the difference.
They went a little too far. No way that’s real.
They can never go too far.
Its Santa Cruz, man. Its like the Mecca of Derp
Banana slugs are the slow people of mascots.
This reply is pretty awesome though.
https://www.reddit.com/r/UCSC/comments/78spwe/official_statement_from_the_group_of_students_who/dowj63l/
I love the absolute butthurt of the Op over it.
You notice how they seem to think that “replies” are “Attacking them”?
Any form of disagreement is violence.
Confirmed: Sessions still a giant douche.
i double dog dare him to try to start busting business in legal states. I don’t think it will go smoothly.
I wonder what Hugh Hewitt thinks…
Fuck off, slaver.
Sessions is the Japanese guy living on the island in the 70s of the drug war. Give up man. Once Cali legalized, it was over. Move on.
Totally. I was in Oregon last week and it was amazing. Farms, processing facilities and stores everywhere. You could even smell the operations just driving through the Rogue valley.
Come to Downtown Denver sometime. You get a contact high just from walking down the street.
Me (to daughter): You smell like weed.
Daughter: Dad, we’re in Oregon – everyone smells like weed!
Truth.
Curious whether you are seeing any product (efficacy, purity levels, specific content, etc) on marijuana edibles? I realize an odd question, but I’m a nerd.
I know somebody who might have the answer. Lemme ping her.
Every single product is labeled to show THC/CBD levels for each individual “dose” (when applicable) and also the entire package. It’s on the product packaging and also on a printed summary page I believe they are obliged to give you at the time of purchase.
As for efficacy and the rest, it highly (lol) depends on the individual. All they can do is give you the raw data on potency, and then you need to figure it out for yourself to some degree. Obviously if you’re a regular user, lower doses will be less effective. They do have recommended serving sizes on edibles… but they were junk for me, personally.
Thanks Riven and Playa!
Ah, I neglected to also mention that when it comes to edibles, they also have all the standard nutrition information that any food-product is required to list: calories, grams of carbs/fats/protein, etc.
There is every kind of edible under the sun available. And they have highly specific breakdowns on content, type, purity and dosage. The market, she’s a beautiful thing.
Are they cash only in Denver?
T’was cash only in Vegas…
They accept paypal and ship…or so I’ve heard.
Thanks!
I’ve heard there are gaps in the analytical landscape related to prescription-quality product, but wasn’t sure whether this applied to consumer product.
Don’t toy with my heart, bacon-magic!
Y’all have my email…
I think they will do everything that doesn’t go through a bank; so paypal, apple pay depending on what it’s linked to etc., but cash is by far the most common. It’s actually kind of crazy cause they can’t deposit the money in banks (cuz super ghey FDIC nonsense) so they are left with having massive bank vaults with piles of cash; or, as is becoming more popular and driving up real estate values, they buy houses in cash, then sell them for a profit and launder the money that way.
My daughter and I bought 19 different kinds of weed in 3 days in Bend. Heaven.
Here in the god awful state of NY, I still have to buy mine in smokable form from people who want me to sit and talk with them. Ugh. I would much rather buy some nice oil, legally, and vape it. Sadly, I have no time to head out to Colorado and put some in the mail for myself.
I make booze for a living. I should just start a vape oil/whiskey swap program.
Yes. That Genie is out of the bottle.
“Record-High Support for Legalizing Marijuana Use in U.S.”
http://news.gallup.com/poll/221018/record-high-support-legalizing-marijuana.aspx
asset forfeiture and drug criminalization are the two glaring blights on Trump’s admin. one firing and it all potentially goes away too.
Anti-free trade is another.
Did we repeal NAFTA?
Not yet.
Rather American entrepreneurs make this money than mexican drug cartels.
You know, because they’re brown and stuff.
Wait, that would mean Sessions is *not* a racist? I haz konfoozd.
THIS IS THE WORLD
LIBERALSGLOBALISTS WANT!This is why we never should have amended to let Senators be elected by popular vote.
I’ve just been informed by my wife that she has accepted an invitation to a Halloween party on my behalf, and that we have to wear costumes.
I still have a couple of days to come up with an idea to make her REALLY regret it.
Al Jolson Blackface
Yeah, I was thinking along the lines of blackface, only more offensive.
Kunta Kinte (original Levar Burton)
Jordy La Forge.
Go as Obama?
Yes, i was trying to think of something to make it spicy
You could try to go as one of these guys. They have wonderful variety
Added bonus: you can denounce all your jewish friends as “fake jews”
true story: my junior-high history teacher went on Morton Downey Jr with these guys. They stood up and pointed a finger at him: “Irving Sloan, thou art not a jew”. every time we saw the guy, someone would mumble this and everyone would crack up.
Go as MLK Jr… post assassination.
Dr. Feelgood.
Go naked.
If not, here are some ideas:
http://teamjimmyjoe.com/2014/09/25-bad-tasteless-halloween-costumes/
http://teamjimmyjoe.com/2012/09/worst-halloween-costumes/
I laughed at the Jack Daniels and cigarettes.
Please. I just ate.
Remember my halloween costume last year? I still have it and can throw it in the wash for you.
I don’t remember. But I’m sure it’s covered in cat fur.
That creepy lumberjack?
Grand Wizard?
Trump and Clinton
Revision:
Trump with a “Daddy” t shirt (back of it says “grab the pussy, get paid”) holding leash tied to Hillary’s collar. And she’s ball gagged.
That may be the best idea I’ve ever heard, including the Polio vaccine.
Not quite there.
Moana.
Just show up butt naked.
So… the same as July 4th?
Yes, I’m saying go as yourself.
Or the military version.
Michelangelo’s David.
That’s what I went as last year, lumberjack was two years ago.
The “costume”
This year the theme is ’80s and I’m wearing He Man Underoos, and the BF is going as an infant because he was only alive for 5 months of the ’80s and yes I’m a cradle robber.
Grow a shitty beard, stuff a pillow under your shirt and sexually harass all the women. Instant Harvey Weinstein.
How many days of meth bender do I need to get skin like his?
Start now.
You need to dye your hair a shitty shade of fake bottle orange.
Donald Trump as depicted by his hagiographer, SugarFree. And you stay in character whole night.
Crew member from the Challenger.
A jar of fish food?
They recovered a whole jar?
It’s a practical matter.
I can’t just carry handfuls of fish food around all night; especially if I’m having a drink.
I suppose you could strap 7 jars of fish food to yourself. Label them with a mish-mash of the seven names, and explain that there was no way to be sure who was in each jar.
And make the wife go as a shark?
Pink from the Wall. Pretty easy to make with a little fabric. Some friends did this back in college at a frat party. Still have the banner they made. Tape up the eyebrows and slick back the hair. Not sure if this is considered over the top today.
https://www.google.com/search?q=pink+floyd+the+wall+nazi&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiV4Y2IuY_XAhUPyWMKHXQ9CpEQ7AkINw&biw=1525&bih=710#imgrc=HI0WwqG8EQu7-M:
I’m coming to the conclusion that 90% of the time that people use the terms, “Data Science” and “Machine Learning”, that they’re actually fucking morons who are desperately trying to fancy up their shitty job
yes, the 10% are legit, but the 90% are killing the terms.
Are you trying to tell me that I shouldn’t be excited about taking this new “Waste Relocation Engineer” position?
Yes. Running someone else’s ML code on a similar dataset isn’t setting the world on fire. Data Science does not mean you have 3 million rows in your database and you filter out the dupes with a query.
“Alexa, order me a pizza”
How did she know????
0% of the time “data science” is legit. It’s called fucking “statistics”. Just because you know Python and Hadoop doesn’t make you not a statistician. You’re a statistician who knows how to use a computer.
Hey now, be fair. Some of them aren’t any good at statistics.
What about people with MLS degrees?
What does soccer have to do with anything?
Good good, I thought I was the only one… My brother is studying computer science, and he’s developed a rather large ego since starting those classes. Every single time someone is talking about their job, he feels the need to go off on a tangent about how “that could be automated if there were any algorithm that would do it” as though this is some brand new idea that nobody has ever thought of. He also seems to regard it as something of a free market failure that everything is not automated already. I try to explain to him that the labor of STEM professionals is very expensive and its often cheaper to just pay a human to do things even if the automation technology exists.
I would force your brother to spend a few hours trying to use all the “Automated” customer service call-center numbers of any of the products/services he uses every day to help him understand why… even very simple problems are actually solved faster – and even cheaper, in some cases – when people can directly interact.
There are some other amusing case studies he could look up. A few examples are in airports.
someone did a study and learned that many people catch colds while traveling. Someone deduced that it was probably because they were exposed to germs in public-bathrooms. So, a fad bloomed where public bathrooms replaced all their sink faucets with Infrared Automated controls.. where you have to wave your hands underneath to start it. No touching knobs!= less germs. Wunderbar.
Except, it doesn’t work that way. sensors get dirty, sensors become unresponsive, people end up touching 3 more sinks than they needed to. Or they’re getting less time to rinse than previously, and end up just as dirty as before. Sensors break more often than plumbing… and now it costs 5X more to maintain your bathroom than it did beforehand. Because clearly, you should need electricians to fix toilets. Basically, bathroom automation proved to be a boondoggle. But why do they keep them? because once you raise spending for a public service, it can never go back down again.
this isn’t to argue automation isn’t ever obviously more-cost-effective, AND an improvement in quality. Toll booths etc. Its just that people often don’t know how to measure the real costs of automation until you’ve implemented it.
I was thinking along the lines of blackface, only more offensive.
Zulu warrior.
Kunta Kente with a “my name is Toby” name tag.
With whip marks.
/Never go half way
And a wooden foot.
I fucking hate the UK
(apparently it’s parody, but the fact I couldn’t identify it as such is a damn shame. On the UK.)
Plenty to hate, but not the UK’s Spicier.
You just reminded me of Spicier 🙁
Next, you’re gonna remind me of Justice Willett, and my evening is shot.
Buck up, little camper. Someone will be along to take their places. Funny cannot be denied.
I’m definitely following that UK Police account, tho.
Hey, I tthught the teen vouge cover was real.
WaPo progs harder than usual today.
None of the border wall prototypes have solar panels
That’s funny. About as funny as this. TW: The Blaze
During MSNBC report on Trump border wall prototypes, illegals spotted jumping over existing fence
Want to raise an empowered girl? Then let her be funny.
No, because that’s not funny. Spitting the glass eye out, letting is shatter in the corner all the while walking around covering your eye asking strangers to help finding your eye…that might make me chuckle.
LAUGH AT THE GIRL WHILE YOU BAKE THE GAY CAKE, SHITLORD!!!! DANCE FOR ME!
AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I think it is biological because balls are inherently funny. They’re nature’s comedy gold. Think of how many movie scenes where some guy gets hit in the balls and everyone laughs. Or all the puns. And how we heard about Tom Brady’s balls for an entire off-season. Ovary jokes? I can’t remember one.
Our ancestors didn’t wear clothes. The earliest sartorial evidence is from the Cro-Magnon. So for the longest time, guys had to approach chicks with their junk hanging out. In order to keep them from giggling at their nutsack, men evolved to distract women with other forms of humor.
I just thought it was absurdly tone-deaf and utterly lacking in self-awareness for an article about humor to restort to “two dorks in lab coats and test tubes” going,
“gar, if you calculate the joviality coefficient by the postironic giggleadiam, this demonstrates an empirical humorological equivilence between WAIT DID YOU SAY THERE WERE ONLY 2 GENDERS…MY FORMULAE, RUINED?!”
i.e. saying “SCIENCE PROVES WOMEN ARE FUNNY SO IF YOU ARE NOT LAUGHING ITS BECAUSE YOU ARE A SHITLORD” just reveals the anal-retentive humorlessness driving the author’s very motivation for exploring the subject.
Yes, someone is paying for a Humor Research Lab. That’s the real joke.
This is how idiots think “Science” works.
you take someone with a fancy scientastic job-title, which gives them magical authority on Brain Stuff…
… and then have them make exactly the same sort of casual non-scientific observations that any shithead college freshman could… just ‘counting how many times people laugh’.
…you will ‘discover’ Very Deep And Profound Things.
Chris Hitchens on the subject of “Why Women Aren’t Funny“
Open forum, huh? Okay here goes.
Tchaikovsky: was he the tortured soul who poured out his immortal longings into dignified passages of stately music; or was he just an old poof that wrote tunes? – Eric Idle
Discuss!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CyKGHVA6rb0
See? Now that’s funny!
LOL
I wake up to his Piano Concerto in B minor every morning.
Has the FISA reaithorization been discussed yet? From this article (TW: Reason) it looks like it’s less of a reauthorization and more of an expansion.
http://reason.com/blog/2017/10/24/warrantless-surveillance-reauthorization
I can’t really tell if it’s worth getting worked up about this or the people at Reason are just going into histrionics again.
She said it was important for Shelby “to have that smear on her name removed from public view.
SLD: fuck her.
That being said, this is a high profile case. Anyone can type her name into a web search and get the news stories on the case, so an expungement is going to do sweet fuck all for her career wise.
Or at least the video, you know, the one that showed the guy having his hands up in the fucking air when she shot him.
It’s the “smear on her name” part that burns my ass, letting people know you gunned down an unarmed man is not a smear. In my estimation, it is more important that it be kept in the public view rather than removed from it.
The smear of being a murdering cunt?
This is the afterlife that was promised to us.
I’d like to sign up to his newsletter.
He doesn’t seem happy.
Watching some more ca crash compilations.
Those Russkies sure do love turning left from the right lane.
Cameras make everyone honest. I approve.
From the “…and that’s why you don’t elect Commies” file:
B.C. announces legislation to close fixed-term rental loophole
Good job, too many rental units certainly has been #1 problem in Vancouver for a while so I’m glad we’re taking measures to wipe them out!
New rule: Before becoming a legislator at any level, you must pass a college-level macroeconomics and microeconomics 101 class final exam.
Wouldn’t work. I personally tutored some Econ students during my Uni days who were dumber than a bag of hammers and just barely squeaked by; years later, those same people were doing things like running for City Council and (inexplicably) getting elected. They forget everything the moment the final exam’s over. Everything.
They started changing the meaning of words.
Have you seen Ezra Klein try to do an “economic analysis”? It ain’t pretty.
But pop culture sees to it he gets an appearance on a Homer Simpson homage.
And not taught by a dyed in the wool evidence denying marxist commie.
So, fuck that contract you signed, we’re government, we’re changing it, because fuck you that’s why.
Vancouver and Seattle are competing to see who can fuck over both prospective landlords AND tenants more. Vancouver might’ve pulled into the lead here.
If leases are still allowed at all, all that means is that a landlord would get the tenants to sign a fixed-term lease and then, at the end of the term, say “Well . . . bye!” It’s no skin off the landlord’s nose if the tenants have to move every year or two. And moving companies would love it.
But being a landlord’s a pain, especially in B.C., which is why the spousal unit and I sold our condo in Port Moody when we moved to Pitt Meadows, rather than just rent it out.
We are altering the deal. Pray we don’t alter it any further.
For a long time, our city council was jealous of Seattle and trying their best to one-up them (and failing). With the power of provincial government at their side, they are finally getting ahead.
And that’s why you never go Commie. No matter what. Fuck NDP in all its incarnations.
Alberta is forever tainted in my eyes for inexplicably voting for those parasites in.
There was literally no EXCUSE for that.
Well, there was — the same excuse that the Fed Conservatives had; they kept splitting the vote. The Alberta PCs and the Wildrose split the vote, and the NDs came straight up the middle (mostly in Edmonton) and took the plurality. If either conservative party had been absorbed by the other, the outcome might’ve been quite different. Have they learned their lesson?
Oh yeah, almost forgot — because Alberta was practically the best place in Canada to move to and get a decent job, a metric shit-ton of Central Canadians had also moved there just prior to the crash and the election, and they do tend to be more statist than native-born or long-time Albertans.
Andechser Doppelbock Dunkel for tonight.
Pineapple Sculpin. I’m a creature of habit.
My wife wanted Mexican, so she’s having Estrella.
Los Doyers isn’t available?
Corona for hydration
I did a pick 6, but they only had Corona Lite. I thought Corona WAS light.
This
I like Ayinger.
Seconded.
today’s history lesson
In 18th century Britain, bounty hunters were called “thief takers” History does not record if there were any named Hound the Thief Taker, but it’s fun to imagine.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1drQj-rGsfg
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thief-taker
Life don’t get any better than sitting outside in subfreezing weather with light flurries having a smoke.
Takes me back to Madison, WI. Stogie, scotch, and fall. Heaven, indeed.
light flurries
I read that as furries for a second and thought you were having a way more interesting Thursday than me.
The Late Jesse.in.mb?
The night is young.
I hate United Healthcare. “You have a new Explanation of Benefits available. Please review it now” in email.
Login to their website, ‘please reregister for the account you already have’, hit quit twice, goes to account summary. Check claim activity. No indication of which EOB of the several over the past 30 days is the “new” one. Of course that email doesn’t offer any clue as to which one it is either. Doesn’t appear to have been any recent activity, all show processed two weeks or older.
Fuck UHC with a rusty MRSA infected chainsaw.
Anthem is the same way. Just wait for it in the mail. The EOB is usually some nonsense about the copay.
If you owe someone some money, they’ll contact you. Repeatedly.
HRA attached to the plan so UHC can scoop out any money they like without sending a bill. I’m more interested in seeing if the provider fucked up the billing or such. 50/50 on that it seems.
Iraqi forces clash with Kurdish troops near Syria border
http://www.sfgate.com/world/article/Iraqi-forces-clash-with-Kurdish-troops-near-Syria-12309249.php
My money’s on the Kurds.
The reason they’re fighting each other, of course, is because they beat the shit out of ISIS, and they took back all of ISIS’ territory.
They’re fighting over oil fields and such.
I’m not sure who to vote for. I’d love to see a stable, legitimate, Iraqi state–so we can really leave already.
It’s only been 14 years. Worst thing the U.S. should do is get involved. We don’t need to be responsible for settling their differences anymore. Let them fight it out. If they want to negotiate a settlement, let them negotiate.
Trump is doing the absolute right thing, and this is the result of us winning the war against ISIS.
If Barack Obama were still in office, the press would be in non-stop celebration mode right now of this triumph.
Recent complaints from a West Point professor
***
I firmly believe West Point is a national treasure and that it can and should remain a vitally important source of well trained, disciplined, highly educated Army officers and civilian leaders. However, during my time on the West Point faculty (2006–2009 and again from 2013–2017), I personally witnessed a series of fundamental changes at West Point that have eroded it to the point where I question whether the institution should even remain open.
…
Even the curriculum itself has suffered. The plebe American History course has been revamped to focus completely on race and on the narrative that America is founded solely on a history of racial oppression. Cadets derisively call it the “I Hate America Course.” Simultaneously, the plebe International History course now focuses on gender to the exclusion of many other important themes.
On the other hand, an entire semester of military history was recently deleted from the curriculum (at West Point!).
In all courses, the bar has been lowered to the point where it is irrelevant. If a cadet fails a course, the instructor is blamed, so instructors are incentivized to pass everyone. Additionally, instead of responding to cadet failure with an insistence that cadets rise to the challenge and meet the standard, the bar for passing the course itself is simply lowered. This pattern is widespread and pervades every academic department.
***
I think West Point is the same as ever. The story of the Egg Nog riot of 1826 is proof of that. Short version: cadets were not allowed to drink, but they did anyway and got rowdy. Among the cadets involved were a young Jefferson Davis and several future Confederate generals. Jefferson Davis was famous for getting hammered at West Point. One time he got so wasted he fell down a ravine.
Jefferson Davis was famous for getting hammered at West Point. One time he got so wasted he fell down a ravine.
And look how that turned out.
***
Spurred by alcohol-fortified courage, the Egg Nog Riot was off and running. Soon enough, Hitchcock heard a commotion coming from floors below, seemingly larger and rowdier than the party he had broken up upstairs. On his way to intervene, he ran into a drunken Jefferson Davis, who burst into the room along with Hitchcock and announced (with terrible timing): “Put away the grog boys! Captain Hitchcock’s coming!” Hitchcock, of course, was already there, and ordered Davis, who would eventually become famous for his exploits in the Mexican-American War, back to his room–Davis complied, saving himself from a court martial.
***
Good times.
***
Benny Haven’s proved too expensive to supply the amounts of liquor the cadets wanted to bring to the holiday party. Instead, several nights before Christmas, three cadets crossed the Hudson River to the the east bank to procure whiskey from the area’s other tavern, Martin’s Tavern. After imbibing a few glasses themselves, the cadets took the contraband booze back across the river to the academy. At the dock, they found an enlisted solider standing guard, but paid the man 35 cents for him to turn his back while they unloaded their cargo. The containers of alcohol were then stored among the cadets’ private possessions, hidden until the night of Christmas–a total of three or four gallons of whiskey.
***
Heh.
***
At Benny Haven’s, cadets could barter blankets and shoes for booze, though the bartering of anything from the school (uniforms, for example) was off limits. When Edgar Allan Poe attended West Point, he reportedly spent most of his time at Benny Haven’s (which may explain his dismissal from the academy after only a year).
***
“Son, sad, drunk, and poor is no way to go through life.”
“Oh yeah? I’ll show you.”
I don’t know if U.S. Grant took up drinking at the Point, but he and his roommate once stole a turkey and were in the process of roasting it in their room when an upper classman (I believe his name was Grier) discovered the two breaking the rules. Grier looked the other way or Grant would have been dismissed from the Point and we never would have heard of him again. He rewarded Grier years later by making him colonel of the Third Cavalry.
Too bad he couldn’t fall into the Hudson.
Cultural marxism taught at West Point. Someone needs their ass kicked up over their shoulders for that and I think I know who it is.
Random musing – why is there no Google Street View of the Panama Canal?
Does their car float?
It’s Google – they have all kinds of secret tech that we don’t know about. Or, you know, they could put the camera on top of a ship’s bridge.
Maybe they did, but then the ship took a direct hit to the bridge and got lost.
OMG WTF???
I never get tired of that joke.
They have guys with backpacks. I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m not on Stockholm’s street views in the old town.
So I had an idea to catalogue all the shitty, unsafe Commie-produced products (as I said above, I’m watching Russian car crash compilations). How would one go about compiling, for example, safety & reliability records for Ladas? Or safety & nutrition records for gubmint-made snack foods?
Top Gear tried comparing Communist made cars.
That is hilarious!
Soda vending machines in the USSR did not dispense individual bottles, unlike those wasteful, decadent capitalists. Instead, each machine came with a communal cup.
I remember seeing this in a coffee table book about the USSR where it was obvious the American useful idiots were trying to put a good spin on things.
link
***
In his book Made in Russia: Unsung Soviet Design, Michael Idov looks into how Russia tried to transform tank and rocket factories to churn out consumer goods, like boom boxes and soda machines, mostly by reverse engineering these products from Western imports. As Julia Barton reports on the always incredible 99 Percent Invisible, the results were unmistakably Soviet:
Take your Soviet soda machine. In those, carbonated drinks came not in bottles, but straight into a communal drinking glass, something chained to the machine.
Give the glass a rinse before using, insert one kopeck for plain soda water, three for a squirt of syrup, and then, ahh. With all the plastic floating around and the nagging debate about any bottle’s carbon footprint, you have to wonder: Are machines like this, with some public health updates, perhaps, an idea worth stealing back?
***
People who revere the Soviet Union are execrable wastes of space. These folks should be shipped to DPRK to live in their utopia.
I worked for a company that made special aircraft bolts made from titanium. They (six per side) were used by Boeing to fasten the wings to the jets. So my boss goes to USSR in the 1970s and is given a tour of the Tupelov factory. He was astounded to see Soviet aircraft wings were held on by four ordinary steel bolts. He, and everyone he could talk to, refused to ever fly on
Aeroflot.
Aeroflot had an absolutely abysmal safety record. Their planes fell out of the sky on a pretty regular basis.
It takes multiple wiki pages to list all of their incidents.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aeroflot_accidents_and_incidents
back in 1988, I was part of a student group that flew on the internal PRC airline (CAAC) from Hong Kong to Shanghai. It was a WEstern plane, iirc, but shabby and well-used, probably decades old even then (bought second-hand was my guess). The part that made us all look at each other in alarm was that all the stewardesses passed out folding fans because the A/C didn’t work.
I’m still amazed that piece of junk didn’t break up mid-flight and kill us all.
Now the Chicoms have one of the 5 star Skytrax airlines, unlike the U.S.’ domestic aerocattlecarlines.
Unpossible. Soviet produced goods were and always will be superior to the wasteful, evil goods made by parasite capitalists. Rachel Maddow told me so.
Since I’m trapped on this train thanks to someone jumping on the tracks and offing themselves, let me give you a few thoughts on suicide.
When people jump onto the tracks, they often remove their shoes first and place them neatly on the platform. The RR companies will charge the family a huge amount of money for the delay and clean up. They’ve installed mirrors at the ends of the platform to discourage jumpers. Evidently that’s effective.
Why do they take off their shoes?
Good question. Some Buddhist thing I’m guessing.
My guess is maybe they think that entering the afterlife is like entering a house, so they take off their shoes at the “entrance”.
Death rituals are weird.
https://ideas.ted.com/11-fascinating-funeral-traditions-from-around-the-globe/
Korean death beads (made from compressed ashes) are cool and the fantasy coffins from Ghana look fun.
You heard it here first.
Derpetologist: Dying is fun
Well, I have had a lot of fun trying to kill myself with derp.
The engineers who hit suiciders frequently become traumatized, can’t do their jobs, have nightmares, etc. Maybe they ought to sue the estates of the jumpers? Want to kill yourself – go into the garage, close the door, and turn on the auto. Die peacefully without a mess and horrifying the shit out of someone.
I’d rather them traumatize someone than be one of those assholes who kill a bunch of people before suicide by cop.
I just watched The Bridge (documentary about suicides from jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge). They’re well above 2000 jumpers right now.
Apparently, some creep hangs out there and catches them on camera. You can tell that he knows who to film, because he’s keyed in on body language and zooms right in. No 911 call. He just hangs out there waiting for people to kill themselves. It’s fucking creepy.
SLD: You own your body and your mind, and you have a right to go on your own terms.
My own thoughts: Consider your loved ones first, you selfish asshole.
It’s tough for me to judge someone who is in so much pain that they’d do it, but the scars it leaves on family and friends certainly are horrible.
I’d much rather disappear like the North Pond Hermit and let the mystery breath.
In some of my darker moments years ago I figured I’d drive up to the crest on a winter night with a bottle of expensive scotch and go drink and stare at the city lights. Naked.
Rule #1: Don’t die drunk.
Accidentally or on purpose.
Why would I want to die sober?
Meh, when I’m finally done with all this bullshit, what do I owe anyone else. If I decide to move to the middle of Bumfuckistan and never talk to my family and friends again, that’s just me exercising my free will, but off myself and I’m a selfish prick. Plus maybe it’s those loved ones that sent me off to parts unknown in the first place, maybe they should be the ones giving consideration here.
When you off yourself, somebody has to deal with it.
If you liquidate your assets, pay off your bills, have a notarized letter to the Social Security Administration in a self addressed stamped envelope in your pocket, you’re not a horder, and you’re 100% sure that nobody loves you, then hey, have at it.
It’s the idea of wasting away with dementia or something that scares me the most. I told my kid that if I get to that point, I want him to take me up deep into the Boundary Waters, set me up with a canoe, rifle, fishing gear and some food and I’ll paddle off and make it as long as I can. No mess, no drama and, like commodious said, a little mystery.
Is that a matter of scamming your life insurer, or to give yourself a legit chance of surviving for awhile?
Granddad succumbed to pneumonia stemming from complications from Parkinson’s, so he (thank God) never declined into lunacy like his mother did. Dad is now approaching the age when his father was afflicted, so it’s an open question whether Parkinson’s is hereditary or a product of granddad’s life-long work with nuclear weapons. We’re pulling for the latter, obviously, but I’d vastly prefer it to Alzheimer’s. Like you said, put me on a raft and shove me off into deep waters.
This is a sensitive topic, so I should have been more clear:
There’s a difference between wasting away and being a fucking crybaby.
This is a sensitive topic,…
Yeah, I knew what you meant. I’ve had the opportunity to watch several people close to me die slowly and ugly. To assert some control is attractive.
A buddy blew his brains out at 35. That is pretty different.
somebody has to deal with it
Sure it’s a dick move to blow your brains out in a hotel room, but nobody really has to deal with your corpse unless they are getting paid or it’s in their best interest, i.e. your stinking up the joint.
liquidate your assets, pay off your bills
If I owe they will come and get my assets. self solving problem.
notarized letter to the Social Security
No idea what that’s about
not a horder
Someone’s got all the ‘a’s
100% sure that nobody loves you
not my business to worry about who loves me, some psycho stalker has the warm and fuzzies and I got to endure years of misery, fuck that.
Got it. It’s ok for the train conductor to have to Windex your brain matter off of the front of the train as long as he’s getting paid.
I said it’s a dick move, but we all know, it isn’t going to be the conductor, much more likely it’s some brown Corn Pop who has been cleaning up bird brains and deer brain and what have you brains for years, why my brains have some magical ability to be more troubling than those of Rocket J. Squirrel’s I don’t know.
This has to be the most selfish, narcissistic load of shit I’ve seen here yet.
Can it be considered an act of aggression if you jump in front of a train, splatter your guts all over the windshield, and traumatize the innocent engineer because of your selfishness? After all, shit like that can cause some pretty serious mental trauma that can interfere with the witness’s life for a long time after.
Mustang, I’d argue in favor of that, yeah. When people use other people to commit suicide, they clearly don’t care that they’re going to traumatize those people for the rest of their lives. They’re just so wrapped up in their own bullshit that they don’t bother to think about other people. They’re handing their burden to strangers.
This is why I’m saying: death by elements. I hear hypothermia is rather comfortable for the last bit. You deposit your corpse somewhere people frequent, and they call professionals to cart your frozen body away. No brains to clean off walls, no bathtubs to hose out. Just the minor possibility of wolves dismembering your body before someone discovers it. And even then, maybe you’ll get lucky and your tombstone will read: death by wolves. That’s something to look forward to.
Well, no, both options could be incredibly selfish, depending on the circumstances. And there isn’t a binary choice between exercising free will and having consideration for other people, especially people who care about you or depend on you.
Yes.
(stepson)
Absolutely, 100% true. My mother killed herself when I was 2. Not only did that fuck my childhood up pretty good, but it set in motion a series of events that irreparably damaged both families. Her killing herself started my dad off on full-blown alcoholism; he waited until I was out of the house and on my own to really finish it off, but he started drinking himself to death years before. He blamed himself, and he could never get over it.
Her parents, especially her mother, were devastated. Her twin sister was crushed. They all blamed my father. Without getting into details, they kidnapped me, so I didn’t realize that my grandparents weren’t my parents until my father tracked them down when I was 6. As you’d imagine, both families absolutely hated each other, but my maternal grandparents were graciously granted visitation rights. I spent most of my adolescence and early teenage years defending each family from the other. As a little kid, I would get tension headaches so bad that I’d lose my breath. It sucked.
Anyway, yeah, suffice it to say I wouldn’t recommend it.
Christ goddamn, that is awful. Fucking hell.
Thank you for sharing.
You’re remarkably well adjusted.
If I’m ever told that I was born on 3rd base, I might not disagree after hearing your story.
Thanks for that. I mean, I led a charmed life compared to how a lot of kids grow up. Everybody’s fighting their own battle, and they’re all hard.
Wow, Bill. That’s awful. Beyond awful.
Damn. Thanks for sharing that. People need to here these kinds of stories.
I mean, if I wasn’t a little tight thanks to some celebratory drinks in honor of a new job I’ve got lined up I probably wouldn’t have gone into so much detail, and I’m frankly a little embarrassed I did.
There were definitely times in my life where the thought of cashing it in crossed my mind, but, ironically, the resentment I held towards my mom for so long was a strong antidote. That and I’m a stubborn, bloody-minded bastard and I hate the idea of anyone or anything getting one over on me. But it’s something I think about a lot now that I’m a father. It would be hell on my wife, but she’s an adult. My daughter turned 2 in June, though, and I’d never want her to not know what “normal” is like. And besides, I want to be around for her when she needs me, and to see who she grows up to be.
The thing is, you can bear anything, really. It’s just a matter of will. And no matter how bad things might seem to be, there’s always a way forward. You affect so many people in ways that you don’t even realize, doing something so drastic has horrible repercussions that you can’t even imagine. I used to think that if I were terminally ill or losing my mind or something that maybe in that instance I’d check out on my own terms, but why make it easy for the fuckers? If I’m going to die, I’m gonna make whatever gets me work for it.
What’s the verbiage on the in-car display? Seems like it was some sort of euphemistic sugar coated language. “Train Delay – Inbound/Outbound – Accidental Injury”
More than likely something even more euphemistic and vague than that.
Last time I traveled on a Metra when they called police to remove a passenger (drunk, angry, and verbally abusive), over the PA they said “We apologize for the delay. A passenger required assistance to disembark the train”
For Playa – couple’s costume-pair suggestion
I’m trying to offend a broad audience here.
I am sort of leaning towards a modified Harvey Weinstein.
For starters, a t-shirt that says “Everyone wants a sugar daddy until daddy wants some sugar” on the front, #MeToo on the back. Sweat pants or a bathrobe, but that’s a game time decision.
From there, maybe some fake blood stains, plus real pubes glue gunned on, and possibly some goat fur.
The situation is fluid, and if I push hard enough, maybe I can get the whole thing cancelled.
You seem like the fitness type. If you go the bathrobe route, I hope you’re willing to commit to the fat suit.
“Everyone wants a sugar daddy until daddy wants some sugar”
Lol. It’s funny because it’s true.
This is late, but here is a friend’s costume from last year. We went to a prayer themed rum party. Most went as traditional pirates. He went as Somali…
https://imgur.com/a/P0XCe
That should say pirate themed, not prayer ?
“Prayer themed rum party” piqued my interest.
I hope someone else went as a Navy Seal….
Ten years ago I went as a software pirate. I hotglued a bunch of CDs to a necktie imprinted with dollar signs, and wore it as a sash. I had an eyepatch I mostly didn’t wear, and a foam tricorne hat.
I have stopped pretending that I understand how or why computers work. That funky PSU that was spinning up its fan to max every time I turned the computer on has quit doing that. Automagically. It ran full-tilt for weeks, then randomly quit. Now it spins normally again. I haven’t cleaned it out recently (though I did try when the problem started,to no avail). I haven’t even cracked the case open in weeks. It’s sat in the same spot doing the same things for the past month, but now it’s back to normal. I don’t get it.
It could be a sensor. I might have been sending high until it stopped working entirely.
That’s probably it. The unit is not *totally* back to normal, but it’s doing what it did when the problem first manifested: spinning up to max for anywhere between several seconds to a few minutes, then cutting back to normal. And that’s only once in awhile.
did you turn it off since the problem started?
And back on again!
See, when you turn it off, then sometimes the gremlins will escape, problem solved.
Finally, someone around here is making sense.
Am I the only person who really likes this guy?
Tough call.
SugarFree is his biggest fan.
Your link lacks natural sweetener
Okay, this guy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kKe4X9czItI
Never heard of him, but bookmarked.
Must be trending. I saw that name earlier in the Twitter feed for the first time ever, and now here you are and here he is again.
Yes, I like what he said. Not only in regards to economics, but morality. My view is that things shouldn’t be illegal just because they are immoral. If immoral things are made illegal, then people make choices to avoid punishment rather than because it is the right thing to do. Which weakens their judgement.
So I just got a Facebook friend request from this dude who used to work in the same bureau as I at the State Dept, but I never worked with him. Anyway, he’s now the big cheese for the team at USAID where I sent my resume last week. HHmmmmmmmm…..
Scrub before accepting. And yes, you do have to accept.
You bet your ass I did! I hope I’m not reading too much into it, but apparently my name is out there…
Simon Le Bon turns fifty-fucking-nine tomorrow. This is not possible. That means he’s been my tweenage dream husband for thirty-fucking-two years.
BTW, still bringin’ it.
He went a little overboard on the Man Roids. I wish my doctor were so generous.
My teenage dream wife was Gwen Stefani, of the tragic kingdom album. A while back she went B-A-N-A-N-A-S. I cut of our dream relationship at that point. It was a good thing.
A little trailer for the next piece:
Now; I’m asking for serious, do you guys want me to hold on? Is it in the works to do something with it? I don’t know. I’m just a drunk writer who wants to splash my creative seed upon your eyes.
“Never get on one knee for a girl who won’t get on two for you”
Now there’s a hook for a country music song. Flesh it out some and boom, it’s the next “You’re the reason our kids are ugly”.
If they can make a musical out of Silence of the Lambs, they can make a musical out of Harvey.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silence!_The_Musical
***
Musical numbers
“Silence!” – The Lambs
“Thish Ish It” – Clarice, Crawford, and Ensemble
“The Right Guide” – Chilton, Clarice, and Ensemble
“If I Could Smell Her Cunt” – Dr. Lecter
“Papa Shtarling” – Papa Starling and Clarice
“It’s Agent Shtarling” – Clarice
“Are You About a Size 14?” – Buffalo Bill, Catherine, and Ensemble
“My Daughter Is Catherine” – Senator Martin
“Quid Pro Quo” – Dr. Lecter and Clarice
“I’d Fuck Me” – Bill and Ensemble
“It’s Me!” – Dr. Lecter and Ensemble
“Catherine Dies Today” – Ardelia, Clarice, Bill, and Ensemble
“Papa Shtarling” (Reprise) – Papa Starling and Clarice
“Put the Fucking Lotion in the Basket” – Bill and Catherine
“We’re Going In!” – Starling, Bill, and Ensemble
“Bill’s Death (In the Dark with a Maniac)” – Starling, Bill, Catherine, and Ensemble
“Silence” (Reprise/Finale) – Clarice, Dr. Lecter, Crawford, and The Lambs
***
I didn’t make that one up, I actually googled for bumperstickers that offended feminists.
I’d watch the fuck out of a Harvey musical, but you’re going to have one hell of a time casting Elwood P Dowd, Jimmy set a mighty high bar on that role.
Putting the sub in sub-sub-sub-subgenres. Thanks, RLM!
Who knew that terrible, cringe-inducing, godawful, low-budget, fremdschaemen-minefield home movie cinema would make for great entertainment?
Screen Junkies, who for weeks hadn’t released a video since their founder (creator?) was fired for sexual Harassment. Now they put out a whole video about the ‘discussions’ they’ve been having, and ‘training’ etc It’s so horrific none of them can even do their jobs!
Some proper Halloween music.
Why are advertisers so stupid? On most of those YouTube “You can skip the ad in 4, 3, 2…seconds” ads they make you sit through they spend the first 6 seconds in some setup that’s supposed to entice you, but they never mention the product or even show their logo. So, I skip the ad without ever even knowing what they’re advertising. Not that I GaF, but it just seems so obviously stupid.
That actually seems like a good idea.
You hate the intro, or you’re indifferent to it: you skip it when the timer runs out. No idea who was advertising, or for what. Advertiser wins.
You’re actually compelled to play out the advertisement. I’ve done this a time or two, because the ad was entertaining. Now the advertiser has a self-selected audience of patrons, to whom they reveal the brand and product. Advertiser wins.
Good point. Besides, I’m just watching the countdown and knowing who they were would just make me pissed off at them. It could be that I’m just too old and grumpy.
Countdown? I love Countdown! Rachel Riley is an absolute babe.
GEICO did what you’re talking about.
Geico actually has some funny full-length ads, too (well, funny a few times) – the super-happy piglet with the pinwheel cracked me up.
It seems that Jay Cutler really is the better QB in Miami, which is just pitiful.
That hit on Flacco, man. I’m a little surprised dude wasn’t ejected.
I thought the reasoning by Cowher and Sanders at halftime made a lot of sense. That Flacco slid at the last possible minute. The guy led with his shoulder and at the time he left his feet, Flacco was still a runner who hadn’t yet given himself up.
The Google tab that shows the news on my phone has an entire section labeled “Impeachment” that updates with stories about Trump’s inevitable demise (sarcasm). It’s a Pixel, in case anyone cares.
I’m not going to predict Trump rides a wave of scahdenfreude tears into office in 2020, but it wouldn’t surprise me.
The Dem/Op/Media/Politico elite class beclowns themselves more by the day. It’s delicious. It would be so glorious if Hildebeast ran again and lost even worse.
Prediction: both Dems and ‘Pubs run alternate candidates in the 2020 election. Both lose to Trump, who is confirmed by something not far north of 40%.
You mean that Unity Kasich-Hickenlooper ticket?
I doubt Dems will run anyone to the left of someone whom Stalin would worry is maybe a bit extreme. Them fuckers have lost their minds.
Corey Feldman claims he’s being targeted for death.
http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2017/10/26/corey-feldman-claims-hes-being-targeted-for-death-for-trying-to-expose-hollywood-pedophile-ring.html
He’s a bit crazy, but it totally wouldn’t surprise me.
He’s full of shit.
The tell is that he’s trying to tease out as much publicity as possible.
*Julian Assange is SO TRIGGERED*
Feldman is full of shit or delusional about the death target. He has been a celebrity since he was a small kid so I can only imagine how much seeking publicity is built into psyche. I do believe that he knows a fair bit about child molesters in Hollywood.
you’re ruining a plot device from one of my chapter!
Full of shit AND delusional.
If he were serious about cleaning Hollywood of pedophiles, he wouldn’t have turned it into a fucking game.
He is one messed up individual that is certain. If wagering a guess I would say that his large amount of crazy, mixed with a larger attention seeking personality, combined with cowardice and substance abuse. I do think he has personal knowledge of far more fucked up situations than a fair amount of the Weinstein metooisms.
Dovetailing from the suicide discussion above.
https://www.yahoo.com/news/ap-exclusive-doctors-clash-over-euthanasia-mentally-ill-090245593.html
Straff, did you see my post in either last nights links or the am links? I would like to know your thoughts.
Sorry, man. Gotta work! Yeah, I liked them. Maybe they can be a comment section thing. We can add as we go. As long as each new chapter can stand alone as well, should be fun.
Commercials.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MIgitRL13Ro
Canadian music. Oh, and Superman.
Amazon got wholesale pharmacy licenses?
Jeez.
That’s amazing. I can already hear the wailing as a corporation provides cheap drugs direct to your door.
Which will it be? Health is not for profit, war on opioids, corporations are preying on drug addicts for money? Time will tell and both sides will hate them for it, which means that unless they can lobby for special circumstances the government will make it a huge pain in the ass for them. They’ll simultaneously undercut healthcare costs!
I’m trying to be optimistic.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_V-5syG_YA
Hilarious.