Note: Not really F. Stupidity Jr.
This is starting to get good.
Ever-closer do we inch toward the halfway point of the season. Two winless teams remain, no undefeateds are left. The Chiefs remain atop the AFC while the Eagles rule the NFC. Last year’s AFC champs, the Patriots, have looked shaky at times but continue to play winning football. The reigning NFC champions, the Falcons, have played one solid game all season, and that was in week two. Aaron Rodgers is out with a broken collarbone, Adrian Peterson is pretty psyched to be out of New Orleans, and the Browns are on pace to let us all down one last time. Let’s do this thing.
Ow.
Caveat: because we started this after the season began, I hadn’t gotten around to a team-by-team preview. Please indulge me in rectifying that now. Since I’ve discussed some teams more than others, I’ll spare you 32 previews on top of all the other content. We’ll limit it to twelve teams.
AFC WEST
Kansas City 30 @ Oakland 31 (F – 10/19)
Denver @ LA Chargers – Broncos rebound from embarrassment
Maybe the most interesting outcome this week would be wins by Oakland and the Chargers. In that scenario, KC will be in a two-game losing streak at 5-2, followed by Denver, the Raiders and Chargers at 3-4. Two weeks ago, would anyone have foreseen such a close AFC West?
TEAM PREVIEW: OAKLAND
The two Running Backs, “LYNCH” and “RICHARD” are the core of the team and they display incredible strength as their running plays unfold. Their defense is tough.
TEAM PREVIEW: DENVER
“SIEMIAN” is a popular Quarterback and is almost a one-man team offense. But the defense has its ups and downs.
AFC NORTH
Cincinnati @ Pittsburgh – Cincy crawls back to respectability
Tennessee @ Cleveland – Mariota is gimpy and Cleveland’s not going winless
Baltimore @ Minnesota – Only because they’re at home
TEAM PREVIEW: CLEVELAND
The powerful Running Back “CROWELL” and Quarterback “KIZER” are the center of the offense. This team has real offensive power.
AFC SOUTH
Jacksonville @ Indianapolis – The Jags bounce back
Tennessee @ Cleveland
Bye: Houston
One more reminder: Deshaun Watson is still in the 100 club in Passer Rating. With an arm like his, maybe he could shore up the Astros bullpen.
TEAM PREVIEW: INDIANAPOLIS
This team has great defensive power. Their weak passing attack is made up for by their great running ability.
AFC EAST
NY Jets @ Miami – Two in a row for the Fish
Tampa Bay @ Buffalo – Winston’s hurting and they’re on the road
Atlanta @ New England – Falcons right the ship in a big win
Big Rematch time…one team from the South, one from the Northeast. The winning team came back after falling behind early. They are one of a very few franchises to win consecutive Super Bowls in their history…of course I’m talking about this game from last season.
Oh, and there’s another rematch on this week’s schedule; we’ll discuss it in the NFC South section.
TEAM PREVIEW: MIAMI
With “CUTLER” as your Quarterback, his incredible passing ability will be the center of your offense, this offense tops the league in scoring, but their defense is weak.
NFC WEST
Seattle @ NY Giants – Giants come back to Earth
Dallas @ San Francisco – Frisco loses in convincing fashion for once
Arizona @ LA Rams – Cardinals in a shootout
TEAM PREVIEW: SAN FRANCISCO
There are several stars on this team, including Quarterback “HOYER”, Wide Receiver “GARCON”, and Free Safety “WARD”. They were said to be the most powerful team last season.
TEAM PREVIEW: SEATTLE
Seattle is a team with a lot of talent. They are coming off a strong season, but can they win the championship?
NFC NORTH
New Orleans @ Green Bay – The No-Rodgers Collapse gathers momentum
Carolina @ Chicago – Panthers, narrowly
Baltimore @ Minnesota
Bye – Detroit
TEAM PREVIEW: CHICAGO
Chicago was the top in defense last year. On offense, Chicago’s Rusher, “HOWARD”, has been running circles around the defenses.
TEAM PREVIEW: MINNESOTA
Quarterback “KEENUM”, Wide Receiver “THIELEN”, and Running Back “COOK” are the heart of the team, performing well-executed plays.
NFC SOUTH
Tampa Bay @ Buffalo
New Orleans @ Green Bay
Carolina @ Chicago
Atlanta @ New England
When Matt Ryan won the NFL MVP last year, he won it deservedly. This year he’s not even one of the top ten QBs in passer rating. The Falcons’ point differential in the four games besides their Green Bay win is +1. You read that right – not one touchdown, one point. They’ve been embarrassingly mediocre. This week has the potential to either revitalize or sink their season; my guess is that they win in a strong performance and get some of their mojo back. As PieInTheSky is quick to remind us every week, I’ve been wrong before.
NFC EAST
Dallas @ San Francisco
Seattle @ NY Giants
Washington @ Philadelphia – should be a real dogfight
Last but not least, to round out our Team Previews:
TEAM PREVIEW: DALLAS
Although a traditionally strong team, last year they seemed to weaken. But never count them out. This year with Running Back “ELLIOTT”, they aim to make a comeback.
TEAM PREVIEW: NEW YORK
Superstar team leader “PIERRE-PAUL” holds the defense together which is out to destroy any offense. Quarterback “MANNING” is the key to their offense and is counted on heavily.
TEAM PREVIEW: WASHINGTON
This is an extremely well balanced and powerful team. They are aiming for the championship with a consistent game.
PICKS
Week 6 – 5-8
Total – 27-29
Libertopia Sports Book
Did you see this Sloop?
http://nbc4i.com/2017/10/21/former-buckeye-player-troy-smith-charged-with-possession-of-drug-paraphernalia/
Great photo. He’s like, “Dooooooood”
What the fuck is “drug paraphernalia”? Also, sounds like he’s received some sound legal advice IRT refusing to blow or take part in a field sobriety test.
Furthermore, checkpoints are unconstitutional.
Man, he was so much fun to watch though.
Only the second of three QBs to ever go 3-0 against TTUN (JT Barrett and Tippy Dye being the others).
Of course JT will have his chance to go 4-0 in 5 weeks. I wish I was going into that shithole state and stadium just for the game.
Yeah, he was fun to watch. Last game was disappoint, to say the very least.
That’s one thing I hate about the long layoff. Guys like Smith spend half the time standing in a buffet line and they show up front entry game out of shape.
I’d prefer a two week layoff, maybe 3, and start the regular season a couple weeks later.
Yeah, I think the NY trip to pick up the Heisman and eat steak didn’t help either.
Furthermore, checkpoints are unconstitutional
Yes, and not victim blaming here, but don’t they have to notify the public beforehand? I walk when I drink because I know I’m going to get drunk, If I was driving I think I’d check on where these check points are. Check points are wrong, and you shouldn’t have to avoid them, but sometimes breaking the law requires due diligence if you want to get away with it.
“What the fuck is “drug paraphernalia”?”
Judging from the photo, a bong.
So it’s something you can walk into a store and legally purchase, can carry it down the street but be charged any time a cop feels like it?
Seems legit.
Sure. Like “burglary tools”, such as:
crowbars and other prying devices
lock picks or master keys
bolt cutters
screwdrivers
hammers
ceramic spark plugs
Judging from the photo, it could also have been a Ren + Stimpy box set.
(sigh)
Look at Mr. Optimistic here. I didn’t know the Browns were being moved to a different city.
And this is the third or forth time he’s picked them, I, unfortunately, am a Browns fan and I haven’t picked them ti win in years, If they should win a game they will lose.
As a Bills fan, I feel your pain. Thats how I know the Browns will always let you down. 😀
I’m a bills fan too. I have kind of a soft spot for the browns and their fans. Whenever I feel shitty about the bills, which is frequent, I say to myself “at least I’m not a Browns fan”.
Well, there is something to be said for the liberation of complete apathy. Go Browns!..or don’t, I’m gonna drink beer and eat chicken wings either way.
That is funny, I’ve felt the same way for awhile now.
Two other Glib Bills fans? I thought I was alone. It makes sense when I think about it. Love of lost causes and all that.
Gluttons for despair. Anyone who has actively been a bills fan for the entirety of the 21st century has to have some masochistic tendencies if not full blown masochists
*raises hand*
Another one
Now now, I never said I was good at this.
I’d pick Philadelphia over the Redskins, too, but a lot of that depends on who and how people on defense, like Josh Norman, play.
. . . Josh Norman was ruled out for Monday night, I think less than an hour ago. Give the edge to the Eagles.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/football-insider/wp/2017/10/21/redskins-rule-out-josh-norman-but-bashaud-breeland-hopeful-for-game-at-eagles/
They say Breeland is hopeful, but he’s an all or nothing kind of back. I’m not sure We’re much worse off without Breeland.
Yeah, that’s right. “We” with a capital “W”.
HTTR
KC was exposed by the Redskins by the way.
We were down by two and driving when a forced throw (time on the clock required forced throws) went the other direction, but that was in the their backyard.
We rocked the Raiders.
We almost upset the shit out of KC.
The Raiders beat KC.
Redskins > Raiders > Kansas City–amirite?
Oh, but the Redskins aren’t supposed to be shit. You’ve never heard of our receivers, and Tagmaster Cousins is still racking up the passing yards.
. . . no, that isn’t Ryan Grant the ex-Packers RB lining up in the slot. It’s some other guy named “Ryan Grant”.
“SIEMIAN” is a popular Quarterback and is almost a one-man team offense”
Is this Bizarro NFL Preview?
I read further and now I get the joke.
I’m rooting for Ostweiler to get back into a game.
Speaking of the NFL, it has crept into MLS
Ha! I clicked that expecting National Anthem anctics. Its funnier this way.
FC Cincinnati and Indy Eleven send their best wishes. ??
Gathering alcohol to get through the Ravens game tomorrow. Despite press reports, Flacco has actually played pretty well- both interceptions last week were balls that clanged off the junkyard hands of his wide receivers, and the fumble by Williams (who may be through) sealed the loss. If receivers held onto the balls that were thrown right into their hands, everyone would be talking about the surprisingly good performance of the Ravens’ offense against a reasonably good Bears defense, and how this is Flacco’s year.
But we have the receivers we have. We’re fucked.
Lee Evans is available.
Macklin not working out for you? I was disapointed when he chose the Ravens over the Bills.
Allegedly he actually chose the Ravens over the Eagles, and the Bills weren’t actually in the conversation.
I figure it’s punishment for liking something associated with Baltimore. Just look at Hyperion.